10 hilarious tweets from comedian and actress Charlene deGuzman

Charlene deGuzman is an almost-too-funny actress and comedian whose video “I Forgot My Phone” is required viewing for anyone who doesn’t hate laughter. (You can’t watch, Grandpa M. — so go back to grumbling at squirrels.)

Charlene tweets as @charstarlene and is funny absolutely all the time. Here are 10 of her very best jokes:

10. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m excited about cereal.

9. Sorry I yelled “killin’ it” when your mom was eating that banana.

8. Yo, you ever get a little jealous while pairing up your socks?

7. Excited to say I’ll be performing my one-woman show called “What’s Wrong? Nothing” all day and forever.

6. THE GHOSTS OF YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIPS ARE SPEAKING TO YOU THROUGH ITUNES SHUFFLE

5. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but I can’t orgasm until I’ve seen you properly handle “it’s” and “its”.

4. “Time is so crazy. What is time? It passes and before you know it, you die alone,” I said. “Your pizza isn’t ready yet,” he repeated.

3. I can’t wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.

2. “I would rather die than be ordinary!” I shouted. “Please get off the giraffe,” security repeated.

1. Whenever I hear sirens I like to imagine the driver just realized he is in love.

Previously:

10 hilarious tweets from Mary Charlene aka @IamEnidColeslaw

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Jamie Lee

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Alison Agosti

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Brian Gaar

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Kevin Seccia

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Karen Kilgariff

12 hilarious tweets from the amazing Tween Hobo

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Robin McCauley

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Mike Birbiglia

10 hilarious tweets from comedian Vanessa Ramos

10 hilarious tweets from Ted Travelstead

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