Before I announce why the new “Girl Meets World” trailer is giving me shingles, let's reintroduce some reality to the discussion about the legacy of “Boy Meets World.”
First, it was a very silly show, much like “Girl Meets World” is shaping up to be. Second, “Boy Meets World” was often way too saccharine and quaint, even when its hammy stars tried to fight it with broad humor. The show probably has more in common with “Full House” than “Friends,” but the characters saved it from being an all-out schmaltzkrieg.
Now we come to first full “Girl Meets World” trailer, which proclaims that the new show will premiere June 27 at 9:45 p.m. With all those caveats about the original show in mind, watch this. Or try.
Ughhhhhhhhhhh. This doesn't appear to be working in any way. Here are 11 times that clip disturbed me.
1. Oh, Cory's daughter is in Cory's class? Is that how we're keeping Cory in the picture? I'm frowning.
2. Every outfit Riley Matthews (Rowan Blanchard) wears — in fact, every outfit than anyone wears in this trailer — is Kohl's catalog-perfect, and it bugs. Perfect layers, perfect accessories, perfect fit. I'm not saying “Boy Meets World” came close to actually depicting the middle school experience, but I never watched that show and felt like I was bearing witness to a TJ Maxx Back To School commercial. Tone it down, costume department! And hair department. And makeup department.
3. Excuse me, did Riley Matthews just pick somebody's nose? OK. Great.
4. I see they are making Riley Matthews imitate Cory for our amusement with her “I'm out of control!” gasp. Ugh.
5. Topanga is phhhhhooooooooooning itttttttt innnnnnnnn. I feel like I'm watching her consciously muster up the energy for every sideways glance in this clip. “A lot of things are going to happen,” she says earnestly to her own daughter. MOM. YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. (She looks great though.)
6. WHERE IS FEENY. Come on! Bring us to him! Or at least bring us a moment of Alan Matthews and his trophy from the grocer awards. Please. Or Amy and one withering stare. Whatever.
7. Hmm. What is this Farkle person. I see he's trying to be the new Minkus, the breakout weirdo character, but he's not all that weird. He just says, “Farkle.” And he has the haircut of 10-year-old Tatum O'Neal, which I do support.
8. “We're travelers from another time and place.” “Seventh grade middle school!” Was that… a joke. Was that a joke. Because it sounds like an adult writing for a child. And also, “seventh grade middle school” is redundant and no person would say it, young or old.
9. This trailer keeps trying to tell us that Riley is “meeting the world” for the first time, but I don't see any obstacles in her way. I guess the showers went off at school once? She's in a locker for some reason? Show me the journey, trailer.
10. Riley's little brother is too precious by half, and he's not weird in the way Lily Matthews was on the original show. He seems like every other 7-year-old on a TV show.
11. You know what this show needs? Cory's brother Eric. He's just bizarre enough to make this mall-bland show slightly off-kilter. I'm already rooting for the spinoff “A Visit From Uncle Eric (Who Calls Himself Kyle).”
I will say: I think Ben Savage appears to be having fun here, and he seems right at home playing Cory Matthews again. But “Girl Meets World” needs a zany Halloween episode fast if Cory's going to rule school once more.