81 thoughts I had while watching the first three episodes of ‘Jessica Jones’

Here we are again! “Jessica Jones” has been released in all it”s hard-to-watch-but-infinitely-interesting glory. Much like with “Daredevil,” recapping a show that has been put out for binge-watching creates a unique set of challenges. If I recap too quickly, people will stone me in the digital streets for spoilers. If I recap too slowly, I risk morphing into the Pokemon Slowpoke.

Over the next couple of weeks, I”ll bee “recapping” the Netflix series with my own twist: stream-of-consciousness. Feel free to check out thoughts on “Daredevil” Season One as well!

Let”s get this binge-watch started!

Episode 1: “AKA Ladies” Night”

Image Credit: Marvel/Netflix

#1: Created and written by a woman because it”s about damn time.
#2: That cheating lady is very flexible.
#3: Wait, Trish has a TALK SHOW? Hellcat is a daytime talk radio host? Amazing.
#4: CARRIE. ANNE. MOSS. Cynical lawyer looks good on her.
#5: Jessica Jones” snark is my patronus.
#6: I thought they were going for a traditional butt shot but then she turned around because subversion!
#7: First super power! Marred by drunken fumbling…
#8: Excuse me Jessica that”s an elliptical, not a treadmill.
#9: I really like that ladies” animal print jacket.
#10: Hay Luke Cage, Hay!
#11: People need to seriously close their blinds, ESPECIALLY the one”s facing the very public street.
#12: Forgetting to plug your phone in while drunk might be the most relatable thing that”s ever happened on television.
#13: I like Malcolm but I don”t know why. Does that make me a bad judge of character?
#14: Jessica runs her business out of her apartment? Doesn”t exactly scream “legitimate business owner.”
#15: Even with his daughter “missing” this guy is in PEAK DAD mode.
#16: Word to the wise, don”t be an asshole to the valet buddy.
#17: “You”re one of them” is the best description of superheroes by a terrified low-level bad guy ever.
#18: OMFG Carrie-Anne is a lesbian. Yes. Yes. Yes!
#19: Okay so does she know Luke Cage but for some reason he doesn”t remember her because of Purple Man bullshit?
#20: Awww, so cute. He doesn”t know she really WON”T break but at least he cares.
#21: Well, the anal was a bit more subtle in the show but for fans of the comic it was a nice nod.
#22: Sooooo, did she get off? Because that is the face of a woman who is disappointed by her one night stand”s performance.
#23: I forgot how terrifying a metaphor for an abusive relationship the Kilgrave is.
#24: Carrie-Anne is a CHEATING lesbian. What the what!?
#25: Trish”s intern knows what”s up. Eat all the free food you can, girl!
#26: Trish is a good friend. She also has a suspiciously large stockpile of cash on hand.
#27: They are really capturing the utter terror of confronting your abuser.
#28: Bloody hell, knock her out, Jessica. Thank you, door frame.
#29: God this is hard to watch but at least she saved…HOLY SHIT.
#30: In case you weren”t sure, Kilgrave makes Thanos look like a kitten.

Episode 2: “AKA Crush Syndrome”

Image Credit: Marvel/Netflix

#31: Nice dig at Wal-Mart guns straight out the gate.
#32: Jessica Jones, Level 10 loiterer.
#33: CGI bug is CGI. No bugs were harmed in the making of this episode.
#34: It is unnerving hearing the threat lobbed so readily on social media coming from the mouth of a damaged, terrified teen.
#35: Does Jessica owe Carrie-Anne the kind of “favor” you would immediately think of if Jeri were a man?
#36: I like Trish”s purse.
#37: “My marriage is over,” is not a line you usually here from a woman”s mouth on TV…nice role reversal.
#38: Oh noo, Jessica killed Luke Cage”s girlfriend/wife/sister.
#39: That…was not what I expected the upstairs neighbors to look like.
#40: Oh phew, Jessica did NOT kill Luke Cage”s girlfriend/wife/sister.
#41: Jessica has the same ringtone as my every geriatric in the tri-state area.
#42: Well that”s what you get for fixing a door without the owner home!
#43: What”re those weird marks on Trish”s arms?
#44: Wait, the upstairs neighbors are TWINS? What?
#45: Um, only a super religious person would hear their kid was found in an alley missing both kidneys and think he DONATED them…
#46: Awww, the evil mind controller got bum kidneys.
#47: Luke Cage fights a gang of thugs like a favorite uncle fights his nieces/nephews at Thanksgiving. Bored but trying look engaged while trying not to hurt them.
#48: That professor is hauling ass…using that free gym membership perk I guess.
#49: Every time Jessica steps into a pool of purple light, I get scared for her.
#50: So do you think Jessica knows Trish is Hellcat? Or IS she Hellcat yet? Just training still?
#51: For a hot second I thought kids might be immune to Kilgrave”s tricks. But no, Marvel can”t even let me have a little bit of hope.
#52: Luke Cage knows how to impress a lady.

Episode 3:  “AKA It”s Called Whiskey”

Image Credit: Marvel/Netflix

#53: Watching these two test out each other”s power limits might be the hottest foreplay ever.
#54: Damn, girlfriend didn”t have time to get her jeans off both legs. This is real as hell.
#55: Those flowers on the tree behind Luke are pretty.
#56: Round Two is at Luke”s place to keep away the creepers.
#57: Jessica”s voice overs are the “Sex and the City” darkest timeline.
#58: The numbers on Trish”s door look like the numbers on Kilgrave”s victims…
#59: Um, what kind of woman is Patricia Walker”s mom in this universe?
#60: Wait, does Trish not know Jessica has powers? SO. MANY. SECRETS.
#61: Okay hipster douche, calm down…
#62: So maybe Jessica DID kill Luke”s lady friend…wife. Oh nooooooooo.
#63: Unbreakable skin AND no refractory period? Perfection.
#64: Trish is making the admirably dumb choice to spit the eye of an abuser.
#65: “I miss your red hair,” Nice nod to the comic!
#66: Surprised Jessica didn”t just ask the professor/former surgeon about the drugs first.
#67: Creepy kid just redeemed himself a little bit by brining Malcolm back to his apartment and calling his sister (and everyone else) a racist.
#68: So of course Jessica only hears “Everyone is a little racist” and jumps to how she can use that to her advantage. Cold, hard math.
#69: Good job Jessica, you screwed up one of only two friendship you had.
#70: Don”t open the door Trish..
#72: Trish brought a nightstick to a gun fight and almost won.
#73: Good thing Jessica never takes the door?
#74: Ummm, was Luke Cage”s wife involved in something or just unlucky?
#75: Kilgrave is also apparently a ninja.
#76: Shush little ginger…just lay here for a minute. Shhh. Shhhh.
#77: Kilgrave is spending a FORTUNE in printer ink!
#78: Yeah he”s obsessed with Jessica but also obviously scared of her. She was breaking his control.
#79: Don”t forget to get Trish”s phone back! Or totally forget to get Trish”s phone back. Sigh.
#80: I get the feeling this cop isn”t going to just “go home and forget this happened.”
#81: Well that amazing sex was short-lived. :(