‘Dancing with the Stars’ recap: It’s Hollywood night! But can Bill Nye play?

It’s Hollywood night! That means lots of silly costumes, which is always fun, and some concepts that probably seemed like good ideas in the drawing board stage but shouldn’t have been attempted, and usually some not-great music. Anyway, this season stands out in that, even at this early stage, I think it’s safe to assume the dancing will be pretty good. Crazy, right? 

Leah & Tony
The Background: Leah feels she didn’t look too sexy, so she’s hoping she can bring sexy to her rumba. I don’t think her sexy face is very good, either, which I attribute to Botox. That being said, she looks great — if the only sacrifice is her sexy face, so be it! Tony thinks she’s doing well, but Leah is just tearing herself down. Leah, jeez, cut yourself some slack. 
The Dance: This is sexy, but she blew some moves. Also, the sexy face isn’t possible, Leah. But you tried your best!
The Judges: Len thought there was chemistry. More Hollywood than “Deadwood”! Bruno thought she was a devilish seductress. He thinks she’s growing outside of her comfort zone, and she needs to work on her fluidity. Carrie Ann disagrees with Len and Bruno about her arms. She thinks she’s going full steam ahead. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 8 Bruno – 8
The Verdict: I think, if she has the fan following, she’s a strong middle-of-the-pack contender. 
Corbin & Karina
The Background: They’re doing a crazy fast quickstep. Corbin wants her to remember he’s never done ballroom, ever! He’s not a ringer, people! 
The Dance: This is just as fast as promised, though Corbin looks like he’s grinning his way throughout a colonoscopy. This may be fast, but it’s not fun. 
The Judges: Bruno thinks this is one for the record books. Carrie Ann thought his footwork was sharp and bright. But… she thinks is hip hop started coming out. Len thought it was hectic. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 8 Bruno – 9
The Verdict: I think voters may hesitate to vote for this dance, simply because the costumes were so corny. But still, well done. I just think a lot of people are still saying “Corbin Who?”
Elizabeth & Val
The Background: Elizabeth loves the old Hollywood feel of the foxtrot. Val wants her to trust his lead more. She probably thinks she’s a better dancer than he is. Finally, he blindfolds her so she has no choice but to trust him. Elizabeth has to stop saying hashtag. Immediately. 
The Dance: Very pretty, very well-done. I like her so much more when she’s dancing and not talking.
The Judges: Carrie Ann thinks there was a boo boo in the middle, but everything else was flawless. Len thought it was chicken soup for the eyes. Um, eww. That would hurt. And burn. Bruno thinks she’s flying first class all the way. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 8 Bruno – 8
The Verdict: She’s a great dancer, but man, she’s an annoying person. I think she has a shot only if the background segments focus more on Val. Maybe they can just run commercials during this part. 
Brant & Peta 
The Background: He hurt his foot, he lost his phone AND he was robbed at gunpoint. He had two bags, so gave the guy the one with his Latin dance shoes. Ha! 
The Dance: I’m so distracted by this Great Gatsby moment with “Crazy In Love,” I can barely focus on the dancing. But it is very good. 
The Judges: Len thinks he had speed and control. It was painless to watch! Bruno thinks the nation is going to go crazy for him. Carrie Ann can’t believe he was injured. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 9 Bruno – 9 
The Verdict: As I’ve said before, he’s hot and he has a great personality PLUS he seems to be a pretty solid dancer. The only thing that might help him more in the voting would be a serious injury or a personal tragedy. 
Valerie & Tristan
The Background: Her knees hurt. They’re going to be Grace Kelly and Freddie Mercury. She hates that she keeps forgetting stuff! She had brain cancer. Cha cha!
The Dance: This is a mess. Oh, Valerie! She pretty much forgot everything. But she’s having fun!
The Judges: Bruno says she has the look, but she went wrong so many times. Carrie Ann thinks she lost her way. But she was graceful! Len thought it was like flying coach on a cheap airline. She landed safely, so hey! Not so bad!
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 6 Len – 5 Bruno – 5
The Verdict: Valerie has a huge sympathy vote, plus she’s impossible not to like. But if she has another week like this one, she’s gone anyway. 
Bill E. & Emma
The Background: Paso doble sounds like a Mexican food dish to Bill. They dance between his comedy shows. He wants to win this! Hey, Bill? This is a popularity contest, so you just might!
The Dance: He’s a little wooden, but he’s not that bad. He’s definitely committed. Okay, the crowd loves it. 
The Judges: Carrie Ann thinks he nailed it. Len says if he’d come out on Silver, he would have given him a 10. It was his best dance! Bruno thinks it was a hit. Then he says something else, which is just impossible to understand.
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 8  Len – 8 Bruno – 8 
The Verdict: Bill E. won’t win, but I think he’s gaining ground as a little engine that could — he’s working so much harder than I ever expected from the comic relief!
Amber & Derek
The Background: They’re doing a Charleston. Her butt hurts! She’s trying to record an album, shoot “Glee” and dance! She’s tired!
The Dance:  Why the Charleston? This is better than I expected, but the Charleston? What, was Irish clog dancing not an option?
The Judges: Len would have liked more swivel, but it was well done. Bruno thought the scissors needed to be sharper. Carrie Ann thinks Bruno is right. She can bang like nobody else, but her bottom half felt low energy. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 8 Len – 8 Bruno – 8
The Verdict: Amber took an early lead, but I don’t see her winning this if she keeps getting crap like the Charleston. Next week, the Mashed Potato! And the Bbird!
Jack & Cheryl
The Background: He’s playing a pimp and she’s his bitch. Cheryl said that, not me. He’s having a hard time feeling confident. Well, it’s probably good not to slide into the pimp role too easily, if you ask me.
The Dance: I’m always surprised he’s so light on his feet, but he really is. He looks uncomfortable, though. I just never see him getting swept into the dance — you can practically see him thinking. 
The Judges: Bruno thought it was Cheeky Jack. Or Chicky Jack. Hard to know. He has to watch his hip action, but he did very well. Carrie Ann thought it wasn’t his best. He thinks he’s doing all these weird things with his arm that’s not in hold. Len thought he had commitment, but no hip action. But keep trying! 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 7 Len – 7 Bruno – 8
The Verdict: Ozzy thinks he did really well. Sharon thought he was fabulous. Kelly’s thrilled he wore fluorescent pink. That all sounds about right to me.
Christina & Mark
The Background: She invites her daughter to rehearsal. Violet is enjoying watching Mommy dance! Or she’s just happy having a snack. Little kids are hard to read. 
The Dance: Um, what is this, again? He’s not really a clown, sort of a half-clown, and there’s some weird staging. But I guess it’s another crappy Charleston, and I really hope “DWTS” never, ever includes this style again. Still, Christina was great. 
The Judges: Carrie Ann thought it was incredible. It was a full body performance! Len liked that it mirrored the music, but the Charleston needed swivel. Bruno thought it was brilliant. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 8 Bruno – 9 
The Verdict: Christina might end up being a dark horse. She’s very good at bringing personality to the floor — which hasn’t been entirely evident for some of the other dancers tonight.
Snooki & Sasha
The Background: She finds sixes embarrassing. So, Sasha, consider yourself on warning. Oh, and she will sue him if she’s injured. Snooki, cool your jets — a camera is running. Anyway, she has to do a one-handed cartwheel. I find it odd that she’s Nicole to the dancers, then in the dance, she’s Snooki. Come on! Pick!
The Dance: Hey, she did the one handed cartwheel! This is a spunky performance. I think she actually did very, very well. You go, Snooki!
The Judges: Len thought that, for her first ballroom dance, she surprised him. Bruno thought she was on fire. Carrie Ann thinks she blew her away. She deserves a star in the Walk of Fame. Or a wok. Carrie Ann had some difficulties expressing this. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 9 Len – 8 Bruno – 8
The Verdict: Snooki needs to stop being snarky during rehearsals.
Bill N. & Tyne
The Background: They are future girl and future guy! And he’s doing future things to his torn hamstring, like lasers and magic and stuff. We flashback to his injury and a visit to the doctor. If he completely tears this, he’ll need surgery. The doctor recommends, short of a wheelchair, no dancing. Bill doesn’t care. He wants to do a peg leg dance. But can he do that every week? 
The Dance: Okay, this is just embarrassing. I love Bill Nye, too, but she might as well put him in a box and dance around him. 
The Judges: Bruno didn’t see any jazz, but he thought it was entertaining. Carrie Ann thinks he has an incredible spirit. She was impressed! Len thought Tyne did a great job with the choreography, and he thinks Bill had guts. 
The Scores: Carrie Ann – 6 Len – 5 Bruno – 5
The Verdict: Please, let Bill go home. I admire his commitment, but this is actually painful to watch. 
Christina, Brant and Bill are in jeopardy. Who will go home? I hate to say it, but I hope Bill goes home, because crap, he needs to heal. Usually these people take the doctor’s advice, and Bill just shrugged. Surgery, smurgery! Bring it on! 
The couple leaving is… Bill N. and Tyne. Thank God. Bill is okay with going home, but he’s sad that Tyne has to go. He thanks his fans for keeping him on the show for as long as they did. And I thank his fans for pulling the plug. 
Were you sad to see Bill N. go? Who do you think will win? And who has surprised you so far?