When it was announced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would be getting (yet another) reboot, this time at the hands of Michael Bay, some fans were hesitant. After all, this was the man who turned ‘Transformers’ from a beloved ’80s show into a flashpoint of fan division. But he was only producing. How bad could it be?
See for yourself. Below is the first image we have of the Turtles’ new look. Accidentally released by a costume company for the 2014 year, it was picked up by TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles.com – a fan site – and spread like wildfire from there. Sure it’s a cheap kid’s costume but still give a lot of terrible clues as to what we can expect come the August film release.
Everything here is just…sigh. Let’s break it down shall we?
#1: Matthew McConaughy called from 1999. He wants his cowrie shell necklace back.
#2: Generic surfer symbol or plot device? Odds are good either way.
#3: Unless Michelangelo is headed to the Danger Zone with Goose and Maverick, he doesn’t need aviators.
#4: Where does a giant mutant turtle go to get a Cobra Commander-esque tattoo, no questions asked? How difficult is it to tattoo scales? Or better question, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
#5: The commitment to ’80s fashion here is admirable but only moms still wear sweaters like this. Of course, Mikey as a soccer mom is an amusing image. Sidenote: Up close, that sweater sleeve looks decidedly phallic.
#6: Jorts. Seriously. JORTS.
#7: Knee pads or an intense need for daily moisturizer and an exfoliating brush?
#8: Clothes are turtles are ludicrous enough but at least put them in soft-soled ninja shoes, not hiking boots. Or are those high-tops? Exactly how ’80s are we going here?
But maybe it’s not as bad as it looks. What do you guys think? Leave your opinions in the comments!