Live blogging the 2012 MTV Movie Awards

06.03.12 7 years ago 3 Comments

Yes again boys and girls it’s time for the annual awards show that keeps you begging for laughs: the MTV Movie Awards.  There was once a time when the MMA’s were the most entertaining show on TV. Ben Stiller, Mike Myers, Jimmy Fallon, Will Smith and Sarah Silverman made it edgier and funnier than anything the Golden Globes, Emmys or Papa Oscar could even dream of.  Unfortunately, the last few years have been duds. Andy Samberg seemed stifled by little prep time in 2009 (or so he said later), Aziz Ansari probably hosted three years too early in 2010 and Jason Sudekis was just outright terrible last year. Now, we have Russell Brand on tap. A comedian who appears to still be riding his moniker as the ex-Mr. Katy Perry with the MTV audience. This seems to be a step down (?) for Brand who previously hosted the more prestigious (seriously) MTV Video Music Awards in 2008 and 2009. Obviously, when you’ve got a movie to plug – “Rock of Ages” – it can’t hurt, right?

And off we go…

6:04 PM PST – In a rare move for the show, a music performance leads off the proceedings with a great, upbeat reveal of .Fun performing “We Are Young” with Jonelle Monae. Classy and uplifting! Maybe?

6:05 PM PST – Russell Brand comes out and yells “Twilight” and “Hunger Games” to different sides of the arena. Cue the longest running joke for the entire MTV Movie Awards this year. Brand congratulates Justin Bieber for beating up a paparazzi. And yes he goes there with the Justin Bieber in jail joke.

Brand goes there also with the short celebrity marriages and thanks Kanye West for alleviating pressure on his MTV VMA hosting duties for his infamous Taylor Swift moment. And he also thanks Kim Kardashian for her super short marriage to Kris Humphries. (He does not mention Katy Perry).

Brand thanks Charlie Sheen for being in the audience as the “unstable” person who can make the show exciting and not screw up Brand’s green card status. He suggests he “release the tiger” by taking a swig of Hennessey and a line of coke from the stash under his chair.

Brand reveals he went to school with Fassbender (true I believe) and “at the time I didn’t noticed his engorged talent because I was looking too much at his penis (Fassebender doesn’t look happy).” 

Charlie Sheen now has the job of making sure Brand doesn’t go political.  He’s not supposed to stop him from the penis show.

As for his Alec Baldwin “Rock of Ages” co-star “A man so macho he actually has hair on the shaft of his penis.”

“Tonight I’m going to keep my eyes peeled for my next wife. I’m going to get some massage oil. Fassbender meet me in the back.”

6:13 PM – Mila Kunis and Mark Wahlberg come out to present the Dirtbag award and Wahlberg tells a heckler to “f-off.”  Your category and nominees…

Best On-Screen Dirt Bag
» Bryce Dallas Howard, “The Help”
» Jon Hamm, “Bridesmaids”
» Jennifer Aniston, “Horrible Bosses”
» Colin Farrell, “Horrible Bosses”
» Oliver Cooper, “Project X”

The winner: Jennifer Aniston, “Horrible Bosses.”

Aniston in her leather dress jumps on stage and congrats someone on their track suit in the . “Do you know how long I’ve tried to let someone unleash my on-screen dirt bag?”  “I would like to say thank you to the TV show ‘Friends’ for letting me unleash the inner sweetheart. And here’s to Seth Gordon for letting me be a dirt bag.” Gee, anyone thing she thought she was gonna win?

6:17 PM – Josh Hutcherson -with a cute hat – reminds everyone you can still vote for movie for the year.  Of course, you should text or go to to do so.

6:23 PM – Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield make a “Spider-Man” entrance a little like the Broadway show to discuss Breakthrough Performance. Stone goes off on all the performances in a very cute bit. Her boyfriend, er, co-star plays the willing straight man to the bit.

[Note: this award was actually voted on by a “panel” of directors and filmmakers.]

Breakthrough Performance
» Melissa McCarthy, “Bridesmaids”
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”
» Liam Hemsworth, “The Hunger Games”
» Elle Fanning, “Super 8”
» Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants”

The winner: Shailene Woodley, “The Descendants.”

Wow. Great win for Shailene and from her peers no less! A real surprise on a show with no surprises!

The wonderful Woodley gives a very sweet speech and thanks the state of Hawaii for completely changing her life and it appears to have influenced her eco-system views! Go Shailene!

6:30 PM PST – We’ve already been bombarded with our second “Rock of Ages” and “Teen Wolf” commercials. Yep, we get it.

Anyone notice this year’s set looks like “Tron: Legacy”?  One year too late?

Ezra Miller, Logan Lerman and Emma Watson come out to present Best Male Performance…I’d go for Gosling in “Drive” but you know that isn’t happening…

Best Male Performance
» Daniel Radcliffe, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» Ryan Gosling, “Drive”
» Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “50/50”
» Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games”
» Channing Tatum, “The Vow”

The winner is: Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games.”

Take that “Twilight”! Oh, right, Pattinson or Lautner weren’t nominated this year….

Hutcherson says he wanted to hold a Golden Popcorn since he was 4-years-old. Bud, we love you, but really? Seriously? Oscar, Golden Globe, Emmy we’d beliee, but…really?  Hutcherson give a nice thank you to the fans and director Gary Ross.

6:40 PM – Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth come out to screams. Are they screaming for him or her? Hmmmm. They are here to present best female performance. They try to banter, but um, boy does it bomb…eke.  Of course, Stewart took herself out of this competition so…how weird would it be for her to present to Lawrence?

Best Female Performance
» Jennifer Lawrence, “The Hunger Games”
» Kristin Wiig, “Bridesmaids”
» Emma Stone, “Crazy, Stupid, Love”
» Emma Watson, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”

The winner is: Jennifer Lawrence for “Hunger Games.”

Stewart announces she couldn’t be here, but guess this she already knew! She’s in Prague and a taped message ensues. Boo.

Charlie Sheen comes out to intro the “instant cult classic” award. This year’s winner is a “party movie” and as he notes, “my life has been a party movie.” I said “Damn, finally a movie that captures what’s going in my head 24-hours a day.  And we get a short “Sheen seal of approval” segment to become a party movie. This year’s winner is “Project X.” 

Now, Wiz Khalifa is celebrating “Project X” by performing “Work Hard Play Hard.”  And he’s got the crowd in a frenzy, but man, those are some low pants. Bringing it back in skinny jeans!

6:51 PM – So, the music award gets dissed as it’s given out in :30 seconds during a commercial break.

Best Music
» “Party Rock Anthem,” LMFAO (“21 Jump Street”)
» “A Real Hero,” College with Electric Youth (“Drive”)
» “The Devil Is in the Details,” Chemical Brothers (“Hanna”)
» “Impossible,” Figurine (“Like Crazy”)
» “Pursuit of Happiness,” Kid Cudi (Steve Aoki remix) (“Project X”)

The winner is: LMFAO. Guess that helped not having to have the other nominees show up.

6:54 PM – Former MTV Movie Awards host Adam Samberg, Adam Sandler, and Leighton Meester are up to present the award for best kiss.  Is it me or is Sandler looking skinnier? Or is it an optical illusion?  Sandler says the drunk stripper kiss he got was his best. Samberg, “Two words: I french kissed my dog’s butt-hole.” Meester, “After my junior prom my date walked me up to my date…kissed me on my cheek.” Sandler, “I’m a little embarrassed for you. Didn’t release you were a whore.” Wow. An actual original funny moment.

Best Kiss
» Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone, “Crazy, Stupid, Love”
» Rupert Grint and Emma Watson, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson, “The Hunger Games”
» Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, “The Vow”
» Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1”

The winner is: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. For the fourth year in a row!

Take that Hunger Games fans. Ha. (Kidding).

Stewart, “Rob’s not here guys. I’m not sure what to do. Huntsman? Where’s my Huntsman? Chris? Charlize, will you help me out? No, OK. Taylor, help an old friend? It’s ok, I do pretty well by myself I think.”

Nice moment by Stewart. She’s obviously comfortable in front of this crowd now.

7:04 PM – Brand, “I’m so happy in my heart of hearts that Kstew and RPattz are [expletive].” Egad.

Steven Tyler and that other guy from Aerosmith (just kidding, Joe Perry) come on out to present Johnny Depp with some lifetime achievement award and – surprise he’s preforming “Gold on the Ceiling” with The Black Keys.

And yes, Depp can rock the guitar.

Perry gives a nice speech while presenting the 2012 Generation Award. I have no idea if they are friends, but it’s classy (?).

Depp, “Steven just spit out one of my teeth. This is an amazing honor. It’s like the get out of the business award. Based on the clips there is obviously something wrong with me. And it’s an honor to be presented by these legends Stephen and Joe and these up and coming legends The Black Keys.”  The Keys and Depp then rock to “Lonely Boy” while MTV stupidly cuts to commercial…dumb.

7:21 PM – Joel McHale, J.J. Abrams and Jennifer Lawrence do a funny bit on how archery has made a major comeback in the movies. McHale has become the most respected and archery coach in Hollywood. It’s cute.

Brand – Michael Fassbender is coming out and says he can’t do that joke again “it’s just too much.” Fassbender comes out with Theron in a “Prometheus” themed intro. Nice commercial for 20th Century Fox. Sort of silly. These actors are too classy for this schmaltz in my opinion.

Fassbender, “I was thinking since I’m Irish I would just handle this one. Y’know, Fighting Irish and all that and considering yore a girl and all that.” And then Theron beats him up.

Best Fight
» Daniel Radcliffe vs. Ralph Fiennes, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, “The Hunger Games”
» Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill vs. Kid Gang, “21 Jump Street”
» Tom Hardy vs. Joel Edgerton, “Warrior”
» Tom Cruise vs. Michelle Nyqvist, “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol”

The winner is: Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson vs. Alexander Ludwig, “The Hunger Games.”

Ludwig and Hutcherson get a kiss from Theron. Hutcherson says he loves stunt work. Ludwig, “We were filming till 6 in the morning that night and it was an amazing experience. And thanks to all the artists here right now, you are the reason we keep going. I appreciate it.”

7:25 PM – Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel from “Total Recall” appear to present the best cast award…

Best Cast
» “Bridesmaids”
» “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» “The Hunger Games”
» “21 Jump Street”
» “The Help”

The winner is: “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2”

Wow, a surprise. “Hunger Games” gets shafted. Nice for “Potter” fans though. Watson, “I don’t think I will ever except an award for so many people. This is amazing. We had over 200 cast members and I wish they could all be up here with me now. Obviously, I share this in particular with Daniel and Rupert. Wherever you are I miss you deeply.”*

*Is it me or does the “Harry Potter” not get enough respect from the genre world? Shouldn’t we have assumed it’s fanbase is bigger than “Games” or “Twilight”?

MTV reveals Harry Potter wins best hero in a twitter award. Someone in Warner Bros. marketing will soon have a Golden Popcorn getting dusty in a corner of their office.

7:34 PM – A “loser” earlier tonight, Channing Tatum appears with Matthew McConaughey for best on-screen transformation. Tatum starts to take off his clothes. McConaughey stops him saying that’s for the club (cough, “Magic Mike”) later.  Tatum then tries to read the teleprompter. They could have been funnier with more time.

Best On-Screen Transformation
» Elizabeth Banks, “The Hunger Games”
» Rooney Mara, “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”
» Johnny Depp, “21 Jump Street”
» Michelle Williams, “My Week With Marilyn”
» Colin Farrell, “Horrible Bosses”

Ha, Joe Manganiello (“Big Richy”) comes out in stripper mode to present the envelope.

The winner is: Elizabeth Banks, “The Hunger Games.”

Not bad, at least it wasn’t Depp. That would have been silly. Banks: “I want to thank  MTV for this moment right here. Give me the popcorn! Give me the popcorn! This is just the best moment in my life. Thank you Gary Ross. Thank you to my transformation team. And thank you to my lovely husband who accompanies me everywhere and probably very upset right now. Manganiello carries Banks off stage.

7:38 PM – Martha MacIssac from “1600 Penn” (I think?) comes out to present the Trailblazer Award to Emma Stone. Guess they are old friends.

In one of the best pieces of the night, Steve Carell, Mila Kunis, Octavia Spencer, Jason Sudekis, Anna Faris (“Sharon Stone…” “Emma Stone is why I hate women.””I can’t believe she’s still doing it at 47. She’s 23? Omigod, she looks awful!”) and Jim Carrey reflect on working with Stone.  They start off very funny and then say some sweet stuff.

Stone, “I’m a crier. And I looked up the definition of ‘trailblazer.'” “The only thing I think this word can inspire is originality.” “I hope you find your trailblazers and harness your own originality and make you unique.” “I sound like I live in a van down by the river right now, but I’m deeply touched and thank you for this.”

7:49 PM – Christian Bale, Gary Oldman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt appear infrong of the Batman costume. Oldman, “Mankind needs heroes. And sometimes the legend of a hero of a hero is more important than a hero himself.” Levitt gets the crowd to cheer for Oldman. “Even though this legend will resonate forever, this summer will come to an end.” Boo. (Levitt is being over-the-top and mocking the hype). Bale, “In the ‘Dark Knight’ batman confronted chaos that for the good of the city he must be hunted. In order to fully understand this saga, let’s return to where this journey began.”

Clips are shown from “Batman Begins” (no Katie Holmes!) and “The Dark Knight.”  Lots of Liam Neeson. Hmmmm (Just sayin’.)

We return to the cast who are ready to intro a new clip, trailer, etc. Bale says, “Great moment from Heath.Wonderful to see Heath Leger there.” Seems emotional. Bale says, “Only one man could have made this film and one man could bring it to you tonight.” Christopher Nolan comes out – given the Spielberg treatment (is this why you needed a new publicist Chris?).  Nolan is fine, would have been better to go from Bale’s emotional moment to the clip.  Nolan, “Our best possible attempt to bring a great ending to this story. Almost finished, but not quite. We wanted to give you something to wet your appetite.”

Clip: Bane, “Let the games begin.” Selina Kyle says “Maybe it’s not you I’m running from.” Levitt, “What do you know about him?” “That you should be afraid of him as I am.”

Yeah, we’re excited. How about you?

8:00 PM – The show runs long! What’s going to get cut? For the PST version?

Brand introduces Jodie Foster and says “Let’s all go mental!”

Foster bombs. Eke. First off Jodie, this isn’t even prestigious at all. But you’re looking good.

Movie of the Year
» “Bridesmaids”
» “The Hunger Games”
» “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”
» “The Help”
» “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1”

The winner: “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1” 

Take that again “Hunger Games”?  Oh, look Taylor is there.

Stewart,”I’ve been promoting ‘Snow White’ and I get a lot of questions saying ‘You must be wanting to distance yourself from this.’ And I’m like, ‘Shut up!’ This really means a lot.”

Lautner, “We really have so many people to thank. First and foremost, we have to thank you our dedicated fans. I want to thank our incredible director Bill Condon and the creator of this thing, producer and author Stephenie Meyer. We are super excited for you to see the final installment for ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 2’ on Nov. 16.”

Brand signs off with another joke about “Teen Mom” which was funny to everyone not in the MTV happy audience.

So, the final breakdown:

“Hunger Games” wins – 4

“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1” wins – 2

“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2” wins – 2

But, “Hunger Games” misses out on the “prestigious” (at least according to Jodie Foster) Movie of the Year award.

On a side note, limiting the show to only 2 hours meant best comedic performance and best gut-wrenching performance had to get cut from the broadcast. Or, more likely, those winners weren’t going to be able to show up. Sigh. To find out who won, click here.

Well, it got better in the second half and the music performances were the best they’ve been in some time (at least on the Movie Awards), but will you remember any of this? Maybe the Emma Stone and Johnny Depp honors? What did you think overall? Share your thoughts below.

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