I don’t know why, but I keep hoping that Kenya will suddenly realize how she comes across, give one last “Gone With the Wind” fabulous twirl, and start thinking before she speaks. I realize that would ruin the entire show and the rest of the cast would have no one to gossip about other than maybe Beyonce or Rihanna. Still, it’s hard for me to accept that someone who can seem so sane and even charming sometimes transforms into the Queen of Crazypants when she feels she has been the victim of some minor transgress.
One special Kenya moment this week? She walks out of the courthouse to be “swarmed” with paparazzi — and I’m almost entirely sure she either 1) called and requested it from a local news outlet, 2) delivered an “anonymous tip” that she would be walking out of the building or 3) hired the photographers herself. Whatever the case, it was a paltry enough showing that I would hope she’d just ignore it or not mention it as opposed to twitter over her annoying, oppressive fame.
This week, she also sits down for a fairly straightforward conversation with NeNe, who has somehow become the calm, cool mother hen of the show. I realize the bar is pretty low for the “Real Housewives” franchise, but I would think a history of yanking weaves would eliminate you from the gig. In any case, she basically tells Kenya to get over herself, as her version of “homelessness” is moving between hotel suites, and Kenya quickly laughs and changes the subject. NeNe then suggests she willingly meet with the other Housewives, which Kenya reluctantly agrees to do. I love how Kenya acts as if she can’t possibly be drawn into all this silly drama, when Kenya’s blood type might actually be D positive.
Kenya, of course, just wants to “clear the air” by explaining she never, ever did anything wrong. The texts were friendly! Geez! When it is suggested that, um, it’s never really cool to text with someone’s husband, Kenya backpedals and yells. It gets even nastier when Porsha calmly tries to toss in her two cents, which Kenya suggests is Phaedra using the dumb chick as a puppet. This is not the day to annoy Porsha, however, who has no problem screaming about how she’s going through a DAMN DIVORCE and she needs to get her COIN together and she don’t need no fake friends! When Phaedra tells you to use your indoor voice, you know you’ve lost your cool. Meanwhile, Phaedra just drinks her water and lets Kenya prattle, which is really the right way to go with Crazypants.
There was much more cool to be lost, of course. Cynthia had to complain to Peter that her fibroids were making her miserable and costing her work, to which he responded by suggesting 1) she eats too damn much and to put down the cupcake 2) to just go to the doctor already and 3) to get a hysterectomy (once she explained what one was), since what’s she need a uterus for, anyway? Also, he wanted to complain that he isn’t getting any sex, so Cynthia is clearly an awful wife. I’m not sure why no one’s held an intervention for Cynthia to get out of her marriage, but maybe once he cleans out her bank accounts he’ll just leave on his own. Maybe he could do something that plays to his skill set, like therapy or… wait, I can’t even finish that sentence; I’m laughing too hard.
In other news, Phaedra’s marriage to Apollo appears to be getting worse and worse by the week. What’s even stranger is that, as many helping hands as she has, she apparently isn’t getting anyone to clean her snake pit of a house. Apollo apparently needs lots and lots of encouragement and support, which suggests he should have married a Labrador puppy and not a woman.
But the most screwed-up relationship of all is between Kandi and her mom. After giving her (yes, giving her) her old house, Kandi discovers that her mom has decided Todd is a golddigger. Joyce does not seem to find this ironic, as she stomps her tiny feet in the house that her daughter GAVE her and suggests that Todd just loves Kandi’s checkbook. The real problem rears its ugly head when Joyce reveals her real fear — that someday Todd might have the legal say to evict her. Still, Kandi doesn’t see that the real gold digger is her own mom and is just tremendously hurt. Why doesn’t she like Todd? Why? Why?
It’s all a mess in Atlanta, but that’s okay. Porsha got a bangin’ new wig, and that’s all that matters.
Do you think Kenya was right or wrong about the texts? Do you think Joyce is scared of losing her house? And do you think Apollo and Phaedra are headed for divorce?