Can we just give Ann the contract now and avoid the whole awkward presentation of the yay-we”re-going-to-another-country-bring-in-the-male-models-in-lederhosen? Please? No?
[Full recap of Wednesday’s (Oct. 20) “Top Model” after the break…]
Well, OK. So let”s talk about the fact that Esther, being a modern Orthodox Jew, is kosher. The other girls don”t understand how anyone could deal with all the food limitations of a kosher person. That provides about 30 seconds of cultural exploration.
Off to the Grammy Museum, where all the sequined costumes behind glass make Liz shake with awe. The girls learn that one of them will be a Grammy girl, you know, one of those mute ladies in endless gowns who have to steer the fried-up old rock legends off the stage after they dodder up to get their trophies.
The girls are paired up and must pull clothes for each other, via a boutique called Chic Little Devil. Liz wants something tight on top and huge on the bottom, like a ball gown. Kayla is all, nay nay nay. She wants to go punk rock, so that the two of them will stand out. That translates into sequined pants; Liz does her best not to spit venom directly into Kayla”s face.
Jane has to figure out how to wrap up Esther”s massive rack. Ann pulls a size 12 for a size 2 Chelsey. Is there an evil genius living inside this human-tree hybrid?
Neil Portnow of the Grammy people appreciates Kayla”s choices for Liz, and Liz”s choice for Kayla, who gets a tiny little gown.
Chris and Kendal arrive in hootchie dresses and announce that they do not look hoochie, a delusion that is shattered in a matter of seconds. Mr. Jay wonders aloud if Kendal tried to sabotage Chris. She may or may not know what that means.
Esther and Liz look like they”re headed to a funeral for a prom.
Speaking of funerals, Chelsey is buried inside of her own shroud, while Ann looks like a divine rock and roll rebel in a black dress getup. But she looks too tall. Because she is.
The winners of the challenge? Liz and Kayla, with Kayla getting the dubious honor of being a Grammy girl.
“I was the girl who didn”t even have a bed until I was 14,” Kayla weeps, while Liz tries to murder her with her eyes. When that doesn”t work, Liz goes home and gets wasted on white wine instead.
“She definitely plays the victim card very well,” Chelsey explains.
TyraMail sobers everybody up.
“Sometimes, being labeled can be a good thing,” it says. Well, when that label is, say, Vera Wang or Marc Jacobs, sure. And Mr. Jay seems to know that. The challenge: Each girl much channel an icon designer — Vera Wang, Balmain, Betsey Johnson, Alexander Wang, Galliano and so forth.
Kendal, who may or may not have grasped the concept of sabotage, does not seem to know much more about Wang.
Rushka Bergman, a lady with a heavy accent and even heavier hair, will be the stylist. Some Dude Who Knows He”s Hot is the photographer.
Liz may not know much about Galliano, but she sure knows how to work her eyebrows, which, apparently, was 70 percent of the job. Mr. Jay calls it her best shot. Chelsey also does well as Carolina Herrera.
Chris is well cast as a crazy Betsey Johnson. She jumps for, like, an hour.
To Kendal”s credit, Vera Wang is a pretty quiet personality for a designer, and Kendal struggles to capture that without flopping into bland.
“I don”t think Kendal is passionate about being here,” Mr. Jay hisses.
Kayla? She may be the love child of Vivienne Westwood. She throws herself all over the set, and everyone loves it.
Jane may have the hardest job of all, though: Marc Jacobs. Almost as tough: Esther”s assignment of that guy behind Balmain; she correctly worries that she may be going home.
Ann, however, shines her way through Alexander Wang. Oh, just GIVE HER THE COVER GIRL CONTRACT ALREADY.
Panel time. Andre Leon Talley is sporting a chocolate brown graduation robe in honor of the occasion.
Kayla is up first. It”s not one of her flower-tossing shots, but she sure channels Westwood, via a fiery face. Liz”s eyebrows propel her to the top as well. Chelsey comes off just a tad too haughty, but Esther is just way too over the top as the Balmain dude.
Jane is up next. She”s as dull as Esther is lost.
“When you come to Top Model, it”s not just fun and games and dressing up,” Tyra scolds.
But the worst is not over. Kendal gets dressed down for not taking direction well. Oh, ouch. Even worst, she”s followed by Ann, who blows everyone away once again.
Finally, Chris, who gets in one of her jumping shots. The only flaw: That”s all she delivered. Jumping shots.
So who goes home?
Well, best photo of the week is actually Liz, breaking Ann”s winning streak. Kayla comes in No. 2, followed by Ann, Chelsey, Chris and Jane, leaving Esther and Kendal in the bottom two.
Kendal gets ripped for just standing there and not wanting to be Top Model with every strand of her very DNA. Esther is knocked for gaining momentum and then disappointing everybody. But she gets to stay, while Kendal is sent home.
Hebrew National hot dogs for everybody!