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Recap: ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ – ‘Shaping Up and Shipping Out’

It’s our last episode before the ladies leave for their trip to Africa, so it’s a chance for fond good-byes (or passive-aggressive sniping, at least in Peter and Cynthia’s case), worry (Phaedra’s probably a bit justified in suspecting Apollo is going to drop Ayden on his head at some point) and whining (and most of that is from someone who isn’t even going on the trip). Not much happens in this episode, but what does happen is surely setting up a battle royale next week, so hold on to your hats. 
First off, we get to see continued bonding between NeNe and Marlo. NeNe clearly adores Marlo, even as she seems to judge her and envy her — which, for NeNe, is as close as she can get to actually liking another woman. 
Marlo shows NeNe her ridiculously fabulous home and then tries to give her a Chanel bag. NeNe won’t accept it, though it isn’t clear if that’s because she thinks ex-cons have cooties or because she thinks Chanel is for old ladies. NeNe is actually pretty insulting about half of the things in Marlo’s house (including a high-tech security system), which suggests to me that she’s just damn jealous. 
Over lunch, NeNe comes up with the brilliant idea of inviting Marlo to Africa. In theory, this is because she and Marlo have become besties, but really, this is about NeNe wanting to make sure the numbers are even — three against three. I’m hoping she doesn’t think an actual fight is going to break out, but I think NeNe could probably wallop everyone else going on the trip by her lonesome, possibly by throwing one of her big, honking shoes at them. 
Kim has good news! She’s lost a pound and a half by sitting on her ass and playing with her wigs! Kroy suggests that she could lose even more if she, you know, worked out. Kim thinks that’s just crazy talk, because her preferred way of body sculpting is liposuction. Her latest brilliant idea is to spend $150 to get a body wrap. Kroy, who is not a complete idiot, tries to explain to Kim that it simply isn’t possible to lose five pounds of fat by wrapping an Ace bandage around your midsection. But Kim doesn’t care. Because she won’t have to sweat, stop eating Cheetos or otherwise make an effort, no amount of money or physical pain is too much to endure. Thus, the wrap. 
At the other end of the spectrum we have Kandi, who understands that you can’t sit on your ass and body wrap your fat away. She meets with her trainer, John, and confesses that she hasn’t been working out, plus she’s been eating crap. John responds by making her do exercises that are half boot camp, half mule torture tactics. Meanwhile, Kim waddles around her house in a mummy wrap, extruding “toxins,” otherwise known as water, otherwise known as very very temporary results. 
The other unforeseen side effect of Kim’s treatment? She won’t be able to shower — which means she and Kroy won’t be able to go… swimming. Kim’s daughters stare at them, trying to sort out what “swimming” really means, but thankfully the conversation just dies and we don’t have to listen to adolescent girls shriek at the realization their mom is way into sex with her much younger (and smarter) boy toy. 
Soon enough, Kim gets unwrapped — and she’s lost more than ten inches! For the next hour, or until she drinks a glass of water! But she’s thrilled and she’s hungry, so she wants pizza. Let us all bang our heads on the wall starting… now.
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