‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’ Will Slaaaaay You in Season 7

It has come to my attention that you might not watch “RuPaul's Drag Race.” Hear this: “RuPaul's Drag Race” is the only reality competition that feels fresh, fun, and outrageous every single week. The only one! All other reality shows are tired. They are weak and loveless, like the smile lines on Ryan Seacrest's face. You must watch “RuPaul's Drag Race” if you want to love reality TV again, and last night's season seven premiere proved we're going to get plenty to adore again. Here's the entire premiere episode. Watch and consider the following five reasons for sticking around this year. 

1. Ginger Minj will be serving up delectable one-liners.

One fact of life is that not all drag queens are hilarious. Sometimes they prefer to be just pretty or fashionable or glamorous. That's fine and all, but comedy is the spine of “RuPaul's Drag Race.” It makes the show so much better than an average, accidentally campy episode of “America's Next Top Model.” 

This season, it appears that the glorious Ginger Minj will be dishing out delicious one-liners with the ease of Denny's shift manager. How did the redheaded Ms. Minj introduce herself on episode one? Like so: “I'm an overweight, asthmatic, chain-smoking cross-dresser from Orlando, Florida.” If that's not the most charming statement you've heard all year, you live in a better dimension than the rest of us. 

2. Kennedy Davenport will blow us away with ninja gymnastics and stiletto carnage.

Kennedy Davenport, a.k.a. Reuben Asberry, Jr. from Dallas, TX, arrived at RuPaul's studio and immediately established that she's going to be one of this year's showstopping queens: “I spin. I kick. I flip. I jump off the stage in six-inch heels,” she intoned. That is impressive. That is Evel Knievel-in-a-dress magic right there. Usually we see the biggest drag stunts during the Lip Sync For Your Life segments, so let's hope Kennedy uses those moments to give us salacious samurai antics.

3. There are often cute boys hiding behind all that makeup.

This right here is “Pearl,” a.k.a. Matt James of Brooklyn, whose drag persona is easily the most jaded, snickering, Valium-tinged queen of the season. One of the cool things about “Drag Race” is how it celebrates both the drag characters and the performers themselves, giving both entities equal time to shine. And thank God, because otherwise we wouldn't have learned that Matt is such a dreamy-eyed fox. Here's to more deadpan confessionals from him and those appallingly hot eyebrows. 

4. For once on a reality series, the right person went home on the first episode. 

I liked Tempest DuJour and appreciated her kooky, “Laugh-In”-type appeal, but she didn't show off the kind of killer instinct needed to win “Drag Race.” When another queen asked her about her age, she should've been able to shoot back with an astounding, belittling quip. Something like, “Younger than your lacefront.” Didn't happen. When she was forced to lip-sync for her life, she didn't pounce on the opportunity with rabid ferocity. I did enjoy her grand entrance, when she appeared to give birth to a doll, but that was the most comedy we got out of her all episode. So long, but thank you for the Jo Anne Worley wooziness. And thank you to Ru and her panel of fab judges for nailing the verdict. 

5. Fashion moments like THIS.


SERIOUS fashion. ULTRA glamor. HYPER theatricality. In one look we saw all the creativity, uniqueness, nerve, and talent that a drag queen should have in her arsenal. Couldn't you watch that GIF all day? This show is like one endlessly fascinating kitsch GIF. Succumb to its pleasures, people. You won't Rupologize for loving it so.