If there’s anything to take away from the latest installment of “The Hobbit” trilogy, it is there’s just something about a velvet voice coming out of the mouth of a beast that could char you to a crisp that is inherently attractive. And we all just need to be okay with that.
Draco – ‘Dragonheart’
Image Credit: Universal Pictures
Let’s start with the obvious choice. Draco is voiced by Sean Connery and – if you aren’t prone to lying to yourself and strangers on the Internet – the man could voice a potato and you’d suddenly question if you’d always been sexually attracted to root vegetables and just never noticed before now. That Scottish burr combined with a “last of my kind” sob story is enough to make you contemplate what a dragon/human hybrid child would look like…for species preservation obviously.
Saphira – ‘Eragon’
Image Credit: 20th Century Fox
Proof that a British voice of any sex can salvage just about any film, Rachel Weisz as the dragon Saphira was the one shining gem to come out of the blatant Star Wars rip-off muddled ‘Eragon’ adaptation. If you’re going to have a telepathic bond with a snarky dragon that eclipses every human relationship you’ll ever attempt to make, you’d couldn’t ask for more melodic life partner.
Falkor – ‘The Neverending Story’
Image Credit: Warner Bros.
Depending on your age when you saw this movie, you either wanted a Good Luck Dragon of your very own as a pet or were really confused as to why the voice of Alan Oppenheimer emanating from a poorly articulated puppet was giving you the same feelings you had towards your crush in fourth period. Sure the implications were weird but there wasn’t a single safe thing for your pre-teen self to proto-lust after in that movie anyway.
Haku – ‘Spirited Away’
Image Credit: Walt Disney Studios
When it comes to the English adaptations of Hayao Miyazaki, Disney doesn’t skimp on talent. Over the years we’ve been attracted to a wolf (Gillian Anderson) and a fire demon (Billy Crystal), among others, so Haku the water spirit/dragon wasn’t too much of a leap. Jason Marsden’s character even comes with the bonus ability to look human, which is more than most others on this list can say. Speaking of having human form…
Maleficent – ‘Sleeping Beauty’
Image Credit: Walt Disney Studios
There’s a good reason Maleficent is one of the most beloved villains in the the Disney lexicon. Her impeccable fashion sense, her flair for a dramatic entrance, her swift and merciless justice at being snubbed to the party of the year, her cheekbones. Cap it off with sultry voice of Elanor Audley and her penchant to turning into a dragon while aggressively flirting with men an eighth of her age and you’ll start to question why Aurora even bothered trying to make her story seem half as interesting.
Smaug – ‘The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug’
Image Credit: Warner Bros.
The latest entrant is none other than the most avarice-licious dragon of Middle Earth. Benedict Cumberbatch already has the kind of voice that causes spontaneous pregnancy, but put it through a filter to bring out the gravel and let it snake around you while gold rustles in background harmony and nine months from now there will be a lot of babies being named Thorin and Tauriel.