Everyone loves the puffin-like porgs, except for the Star Wars: The Last Jedi cast. Gwendoline Christie declared, “I hate porgs.” John Boyega considers the fluffy creatures “really freaky,” and even blamed their “real big eyes, all bunched together” for his opinion. Yet the most astute porg comments belong to Oscar Isaac, who has frequently quipped about what they might taste like. “Porgs with roasted turnips. Glazed porg,” he mused aloud in an interview. “Sorry, I was still talking about porg recipes.” In a later conversation, he surmised, “The thing with the porg is, you’d have lunch.”
As awful as this may seem, Isaac has a point. Even Star Wars‘ own digital marketing has toyed with the idea. And besides, with Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker living in isolation on Ahch-To for so long, he must have tried the critters at least once during his time there. If so, then how did The Last Jedi‘s possibly eponymous character prepare them? What did he use for seasoning? Was a lightsaber involved? These (and others) are all important questions, so we’ve put together a short recipe list — consisting of hors-d’oeuvre, entrées, and entremets based on traditional puffin and poultry dishes — for your perusal.
Porg In Green Milk Sauce
Yes, you read that right. Despite being protected by several national and international conservation organizations, puffins are considered a rare delicacy in Nordic countries. And seeing as how The Last Jedi‘s porgs are based on the puffins writer/director Rian Johnson saw while filming at Skellig, it makes sense their preparation would be similar. Like “Porg in Green Milk Sauce” (as opposed to blue milk), a slight variation on an Icelandic dish in which the arctic birds are cooked with a buttery sauce rich in creamy dairy and some sweet additions. Typically prepared as a main course, this iteration can be served as an appetizer.
- 2 to 4 porg breasts
- salt as needed
- bacon lard as needed
- butter as needed
- 1 cup of water
- 1 cup of green milk
- Wash the breasts thoroughly with cold water, then rub with salt.
- Lard the breasts thoroughly.
- Brown the breasts on all sides in a cast iron cooking pan, then stuff into a pot.
- Cover with water and green milk, bring to a boil, then cook on low for 1 to 2 hours.
- Once done, remove from cooking liquid and slice into strips.
- 2 tablespoons of butter
- 1 to 2 cups of flour
- cooking liquid
- salt and pepper as needed
- heavy green cream as needed
- In another pot, melt the butter and stir in the flour until well mixed.
- Strain the cooking liquid, then gradually add the mix to it.
- Add salt and pepper to taste, then heavy green cream until desired consistency is achieved.
- Pour finished sauce over cooked porg breasts strips and serve.
CAUTION: The next recipe contains minor The Last Jedi spoilers. If you haven’t seen the film yet, then stop here.
The second time the porgs make a scene in The Last Jedi, their large, puppy dog-esque eyes are used to their full effect on Chewbacca and the audience. Camped just outside the Millenium Falcon at nighttime, Han Solo’s trusty co-pilot can be seen roasting a few of the plucked, singed and skinned birds over an open fire. It’s somewhat heartbreaking… but it also looks really good. Fire-roasting fowl of just about every feather is a staple of animal husbandry, yet puffins (and presumably porgs) are often described as having a “fishy” taste. So what to do?
- One whole porg
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Rosemary to taste
- Garlic powder to taste
- Olive oil
- Get an open fire going, be it a pit or a raised one. Make sure embers are red to orange in color.
- Pluck and skin the entire porg, then remove all unwanted contents, then wash the porg thoroughly in cold water.
- Rub with olive oil, salt and pepper to taste. Spring rosemary and garlic powder as desired.
- Using sticks, a rack, or another preferred hanging implement, hang the whole porg over the open fire.
- Rotate every 5 to 10 minutes. Serve when fully cooked.
Porg Egg Custard
That’s a porg appetizer and main course in the books, but what about a dessert? Some recipes do in fact use meat, like the traditional Turkish dish Tavuk Göğsü, but porg eggs and plenty of green milk and cream have the makings of a decent custard. No need to again endure the emotional gaze of several deeply saddened porgs as you enjoy one of their friends or family members. (This time, you’ll just need to sneak into one of their nests and steal at least two, hopefully unfertilized eggs.)
- 2 porg eggs
- 2 cups of green milk
- 1/2 cup of sugar
- Salt to taste
- Vanilla extract to taste
- Ground nutmeg to taste (optional)
- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. (If you can’t find one on Ahch-To, melt a few rocks with a lightsaber in a closed-off space.)
- Whisk the eggs, milk, sugar, salt and vanilla extract in a bowl until combined.
- Pour mixture evenly into six custard cups, then place in a baking pan. Fill pan with water to the cups’ halfway point.
- Bake for one hour. Let cool before serving.
Star Wars: The Last Jedi is now in theaters. No porgs, which are completely fictional creatures, were harmed in the writing of this article.