Trailers and teasers are officially as important as the shows and movies they advertise — maybe even more important, because they build up anticipation that can’t always be met. Still, this is a little ridiculous: Stranger Things debuted a teaser trailer for its slightly delayed third season, due “in 2019.” If that wasn’t already vague enough for you (it’s coming mid-year, or thereabouts), the teaser was literally just the theme, the show’s title, and a barrage of episode titles. That’s it!
Seriously, that’s it. There was nothing else to it. There’s no way to know what the titles refer to, unless you’re someone who’s become obsessed with analyzing, in graphic detail, all 17 existing episodes. (And no one on the internet would ever do that.)
But if you’d like to recklessly speculate to your heart’s desires, here’s the titles: “Suzie, Do You Copy?”, “The Mall Rats”, “The Case of the Missing Lifeguard”, “The Sauna Test”, “The Source”, “The Birthday”, “The Bite”, and “The Battle of Starcourt”.
So that’s eight episodes. We know that. We know nothing else. We can infer that there’s something about Suzie (perhaps Season 2 recurring character Susan Hargrove?). Also a lifeguard evidently goes missing. There may be a sauna. And a source. Someone gets bitten. Someone has a birthday. And we can only assume there’s an episode-length ode to Kevin Smith’s sophomore feature, Mallrats. Presumably this is enough to tide you over until its as-yet-to-be-disclosed premiere date.