The GOOP website announced that America's Sourhearts Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are separating — er, “consciously uncoupling” — after 10 years. Avast: Another sliding door is opened.
Twitter took to the news with some decent cynicism. Here are the 10 best tweets I found about the separation, plus one of my own to start it off. Put on “The Scientist,” weep, and take it all in.
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are getting divorced, citing “insufferable similarities.”
– Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) March 25, 2014
“Chris, I have Brad Pitt and Ben Affleck on the line for you?” “Put them through.”
– Richard Lawson (@rilaws) March 25, 2014
Their lawyers are all: “My client didn't like 'Mylo Xyloto' very much.” “Well *my* client didn't like 'Thanks For Sharing' very much!”
– bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) March 25, 2014
If posting a letter asking people to respect your privacy during your divorce, plz realize the irony of posting it on your lifestyle website
– Guy Branum (@guybranum) March 25, 2014
So when does Chris Martin eat his first bacon cheeseburger?
– Jordan Zakarin (@jordanzakarin) March 25, 2014
Guys, let's all post makeup-free selfies reacting to the Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin divorce. Here's mine: pic.twitter.com/WHf0JvY2Ge
– Michelle Collins (@michcoll) March 25, 2014
Ugh, it's after six, I can't wait to consciously uncouple from work for the day.
– joereid (@joereid) March 25, 2014
Chris Martin files for divorce from Gwyneth Paltrow, saying he wants to see other pizza
– Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 25, 2014
so “fix you” was just one big lie???
– Andy Levy (@andylevy) March 25, 2014
I guess Gwyneth finally heard Coldplay's new song
– Eli Braden (@EliBraden) March 25, 2014
Gwyneth Paltrow really needs some time to focus on Gwyneth Paltrow.
– Anjeanette Carter (@anjeanettec) March 25, 2014