What did we do to deserve ‘Troll: The Rise of Harry Potter Jr.’?

A few questions: 1) What the hell is happening? 2) Is this some sick joke? 3) Is it all over?

Try your best to make sense out of this: according to a dubious press release, the campy, low-budget 1986 horror movie “Troll” (followed by the so-bad-it's-good cult classic “Troll 2”) is being “reprised” for a whole new generation by original writer/director John Carl Buechler as a 3D animated feature entitled — and I swear to god this is true — “Troll: The Rise of Harry Potter Jr.” It gets better! 2015 Oscar winner Patricia Arquette is allegedly voicing the role of a witch.

“The original ‘Troll” film has achieved cult status, and based upon its success we believed that the timing was right to produce an updated 3D animated version for a whole new generation of filmgoers,” said Buechler in a statement.

“We are already in pre-production. We have the financing in place and a strong international distributor. We are envisioning a series of animated sequels along with an animated TV series,” added co-producer Peter Davy.

“…” chimed in Patricia Arquette.

And this:

The reprise of “TROLL: The Rise of Harry Potter, Jr.” has not been prepared, approved or licensed by any entity that created or produced the J.K Rowling series of Harry Potter books or the Warner Bros. series of Harry Potter motion pictures. TROLL: the Movie LLC is not affiliated with J.K.Rowling or Warner Bros nor has this motion picture been endorsed or authorized by J.K.Rowling or Warner Bros. The characters “Harry Potter” and “Harry Potter, Jr.” depicted in TROLL are not related to, or inspired by, the book and film characters of J.K.Rowling and Warner Bros.

Harry Potter and Harry Potter, Jr. and his family were characters in the 1986 motion picture “TROLL” which was independently created and distributed 11 years before J.K. Rowling”s first Harry Potter book was written and published.


The film is slated for release in early 2017. An animated TV series is also expected to go into production for release next year, and discussions are ongoing with the Harbin ‘Window to Eurasia” Theme Park in Northern China for a “Troll”-themed venue and branding program based on the film”s characters.

But wait! I have more questions!

1) Where am I and how do I jump off?

2) Did you know that Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in “Troll” AFTER making her big break on “SNL”? (I didn't!)

3) Are they sure that this has nothing to do with “Harry Potter,” the J.K. Rowling book and movie series?

4) Does anyone remember that the protagonist's name in the original movie was “Harry Potter”?

5) Has anyone seen “Troll”?

6) Should J.K. Rowling be forced to answer for the obvious similarities between “Troll” and her multi-billion-dollar boy wizard mega-franchise?

7) Patricia?

8) Patricia's people?

9) Academy?

10) God?

11) Shelley Hack?

[via Coming Soon]