Here's what you need to know: Barbra Streisand went on Dr. Oz's show, and they discussed heart disease. Dr. Oz asked Barbra if she'd like to hold real human hearts — one small, one enlarged. Barbra said yes. Barbra then held human hearts in her hands. Cradled them. Schlepped them. This is a significant moment.
So what's Barbra really thinking as she holds on to these innards? Here are our 10 best guesses.
1. “So beige. Like my curtains.”
2. “Picking up a heart and throwing it away? Who am I, Ryan O'Neal?”
3. “Looks like what I feed my precious Samantha. Have you met Samantha? Hold on, she's adorable, I have some pics on my Instasnap. Jenny, where's my phone? I can't grab it right now, Jenny, I'm holding human hearts. Can you believe it? Hearts! They're heavy!”
4. “Do the hearts match my hat? If not we can reshoot with new hearts.”
5. “Such a beautiful, complicated organ. Substantive, the heft. Poetic. Sensual. Beautiful — from the left side, anyway. From the right side it's hideous.”
6. “This is fascinating stuff, but can I get a Kit Kat to nosh on? Just a little nosh, something.”
7. “I'd love to arrange a few of these hearts on a walnut credenza next to some colonial candles. Wouldn't that be nice? I love my home.”
8. “This takes me back. I used to fantasize about ripping out Walter Matthau's organs on the set of 'Hello, Dolly!' 1969. Not a great picture.”
9. “Actually, I like this beige better than my curtains. Jenny? Get a swatch on these. Faster, Jenny, my arm's getting tired.”
10. “Hello, giblets!”