Hey Politics, Get the F*ck Away From My Football!

11.07.06 11 years ago 51 Comments

Holy shit it’s midterm day already, and you know what that means…only two more years of W (the president, not the hotel…that place is money). We aren’t what you’d call a “political” blog (apparently convicted felons can’t vote) but on this day of election one name stands out in the minds of everybody from Deadspin to Wonkette. Of course I’m talking about current Senator George Allen Jr. (R VA), the son the legendary coach and also a complete son of a bitch.

Sr. was a great football coach, but he was a bit of an asshole. His son is exactly the same way…except for the football thing. He is such a goddamn vagina that he drinks Summer’s Eve in lieu of bottled water. He’s endured all sorts of controversies because of his big mouth, hard dying racist habits, and a decapitated deer. Of course none of this has much to do with the NFL that we cherish so dearly, so why do I even care?

Because George Allen is starting to fuck with my shit, that’s why.

Soon to be ex-Senator George Allen…he’s on the right.

Yesterday he was out campaigning in the parking lot of my very own FedEx field. While meandering through the tailgating hordes Allen found many Redskins fans with Virginia tags to annoy the hell out of. Seriously, the only thing worse than being called by a telemarketer is having some asshole politician beg for your vote while you’re trying to get shit-faced at 10 am. While it may be a shame to see a struggling incumbent beg for his career in front of a large gathering of people who worshiped his father, I still think it’s pretty entertaining.

Even though I don’t appreciate a stumping politician (especially one from the commonwealth) showing up at my place of worship on a Sunday, I have other problems to deal with.

Because of his father the Senator has football friends friends in high places. We all know that Joe Gibbs is a big republican (and that’s by NASCAR standards!), it shouldn’t surprise you that he’s a friend and an Allen supporter. Then there’s Deacon Jones; he’s the all time great who used to attack quarterbacks like Allen supporters going after an abortion clinic (preemptive response: calm down you whacky Virginians I’m just joking!). Deacon was also a very close friend of Allen’s since his numerous years of playing for his father. It was also Deacon who spoke on Allen Sr.’s behalf when he was enshrined into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

None of this really bothered me all that much either. Sadly Deacon has been appearing in radio campaign ads for his old friend, and they’re playing all over Triple X ESPN Radio here in Washington (owned by Danny Snyder…more on this later). Last week when Allen was unable to call in for his regular segment on John Riggins’ radio show it was Deacon who filled in, the two of them shilled away (and it doesn’t even count as a commercial). That’s when I started to get a little bit pissed off.

Recently a straw broke the camels back like it was Theesman’s leg. I found out that Danny Snyder contributed money to the campaign of evil. As a young Jewish Redskins fan I’ve been one of the biggest Snyder apologist on all the internets. Now that he’s giving money to Virginians he might as well move to Great Falls and chop down all the trees his heart desires. Suddenly it seems as if he’s more Ashuburn than Potomac…et tu Danny?

I always figured Danny was a republican…he’s in that top 1% you hear so much about. But did it have to be this putz? Mr. Snyder, YOU’RE ON NOTICE!

The only reason the Senator is still in this race after his many embarrassments is because of his deep pockets and his total fucktard of an opponent. Even though Jim Webb is a bit of a fuck up he’s the fun kind of fuck up. Check out one of Allen’s recent “attack” ads on Mr. Webb.

So…uh…Vote for Webb! Because you just can’t do any better.

Hopefully this is the last time I ever have to write about politics; football is akin to religion, we don’t need no government ’round these parts…VOTE OR DIE!

Update: George Allen Loves Jerry Jones
courtesy of Chris Mottram at Saved by the Blog





Update 2: Is George Allen’s Campaign Being Naughty?
Or just plain evil

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