It turns out Amy Schumer isn’t the only one who enjoys a nice session of drunken shame eating. A recent study by the UK based Voucher Codes Pro (Britain’s number one source for hard-hitting statistical analysis and discount sushi) has revealed that 37% of vegetarians admit to eating meat while drunk. And since this is a British survey, the number one cheat meal is a (presumably mispronounced) kebab.
And while many will take this as another chance to make fun of vegetarians, perhaps we ought to ignore this lowest of low hanging fruit, and instead focus on the true villain in this scenario: alcohol. Because if history has shown us anything, it’s that alcohol convinces us to do some pretty regrettable things –from disco riots, to llama theft, to the entire fourth hour of Good Morning America.
Mankind is clearly no match for the wily tricks of the devil liquor.
Occasionally eating meat while drunk does not prove vegetarians are hypocrites; it simply means they are human. It already takes a strong man to resist the siren song of grilled meat’s aroma, but resisting that kebab plate after a long night of warm lager and sherry (or whatever else British people drink), requires a level of inner fortitude that is beyond comprehension.
So let us raise a glass and a gyro to vegetarians. Not just for the 37% who show us what it means to be human, but for the 63% of iron-willed souls who prove that we can aspire to even higher levels of greatness.