Whether or not you like to admit it, your bartender is silently judging you. And not just in the type of way like if you order a complicated cocktail while they’re slammed or fail to tip — in those cases, your bartender is not simply judging you, but unequivocally hates you. Rather, because bartenders deal with a wide spectrum of people on a regular basis, many of them have you pegged down by the time you order your first drink.
To that point, look no further than this Ask Reddit thread which poses the question: “Bartenders of Reddit, what drink instantly gives away someones personality?” As well all know, what type of drink someone orders at a bar says a lot about that person, which is why it’s the very first question we ask in the Uproxx 20. We’ve compiled some of the best answers below, and fear not — if you’re the type to order a simple gin and tonic or glass of wine, then you’re probably pretty normal, compared to some of these people, anyway.
Enigmical starts out by identifying what we’ll politely call a problem drinker:
“White rum, no ice. Pour as tall a glass as you can. Cup of water on the side.” = Alcoholic that is either getting kicked out or he will be silent the whole night.
On that note, kaveinga knows when things are about to get out of hand:
Fireball shots and anything with Red Bull. Douchebaggery will ensue.
CarveryHam knows what you’re up to, and he/she is not amused.
Big group of girls or guys and they order a round of Cokes or Lemonades. As if I don’t know one of you must be smuggling a hip flask somewhere! I’m on to you scumbags.
Canadian_air reveals what ordering a Long Island Iced Tea means, and they’re not wrong.
Long Island iced tea = I’m just here to get fuuuuucked up!
Chokeuponthebat advises calling a spade a spade when ordering.
You’re probably difficult if you feel the need to ask for Cuba Libre instead of a calling it a Rum and Coke.
How I know I’m old: I actually had to google this drink that GorgeousFreak616 describes:
Four horsemen = you’ve just turned 21 and don’t know anything about booze.
I have never seen anyone order this next one either, so I will have to take liecomandbd‘s word for it.
A bottle of wine with a long straw = Mission to reach oblivion
On the other side of the coin, 00TooMuchTime00 describes a drink associated with positive traits.
When older men order a Manhattan, they’re almost always well tipping polite gentlemen. Although if they order extra vermouth there’s a higher propensity for some douchebaggery
Finally, eatshittake brings us home with some overall generalizations.
You start profiling people based on their preferred beverage but it’s not all bad. Cougars and middle-aged women like the cosmos. Bros get the bud lights unless they have beards, then they’re interested in your craft beer selection. Sex on the beach? LIT? Malibu Bay breeze? Yes to all, I just need some ID first. Lots of idiosyncrasies, not only what you order but how you order it. I deal with a lot of people, be nice to me and I’ll probably reward you, even if I am judging you for putting ice in your wine.
Never put ice in your wine.