This Man Found His Brother Decades After Their Homophobic Parents Lied About His Disappearance

Life & Culture Editor
05.11.16 6 Comments


Coming out as gay, especially in an adverse environment (such as having ultra-religious parents), can be impossible. Some people, knowing that their parents will react in ways that could be painful both emotionally and physically, choose to avoid the conflict and leave the situation completely. That’s what allegedly happened to the brother of the man at the center of this story. Except instead of telling him that his brother had run away due to their intolerance, they told him he’d been missing for years — even after his brother got in touch to tell them that he was alive and well, just gay.

It all started three months ago, when a redditor posted a story about his missing brother, who disappeared with an older man when the narrator was just a kid, leading to one of those “creepy unsolved mysteries” stories we often hear so much about. The trail just went cold. But now the redditor writing the story realizes that his brother must have run away in order to save himself the trouble of having to deal with is parents. He got confirmation of this in college when he received some unsigned gifts and a Christmas card he felt only his brother could have sent:

My freshman year of college, I was part of a sports team that got national recognition. I remember my team’s picture was on ESPN and with our university’s name. A few days later, I got mail at my dorm. It was a gift basket. I thought it was from my parents, so I didn’t read the card. I threw it away immediately and ate what was in it, but it was nothing but candy. Nerds, jolly ranchers, Tootsie Rolls and Hershey’s Kisses. I called my dad and thanked him for the gift basket and he said he didn’t send one, neither did mom.

Then I got to thinking: all of those candies were what I used to eat as a kid. Literally all I ate for the earliest years of my life were those candies. I tried to find the card, but I couldn’t. Then I began to think about how my brother would wheel me in the wagon to the gas station close to our house so I could get candy after dinner, even though it was a punishable-by-death “no-no” from mom.

But it gets even weirder. In a follow-up to the original post, the redditor writes that he did some sleuthing, found that his brother had been removed from registries of missing children and decided to confront his parents — who also hate that he married a black woman and has a biracial son — about what really happened to his brother. Turns out, they had known what was going on the entire time. They’d just decided not to tell anyone, choosing to let people believe he was dead than admitting that their son was gay. In fact, they asked the narrator’s brother to stop sending him letters because it would “confuse” him and then, he claims, told his brother that the narrator hated him to make him stop.

I asked my parents–my dad, actually. My dad ignored me. My mom told me my brother is alive and okay (“as far as she knows”). They found my brother years ago–a very, very long time ago–and found out he was living with another man. He’s gay, and it disgusted my parents. He tried reaching out to them. They told him they didn’t want anything to do with him and that I didn’t remember him adn wouldnt’ want to see him…..

I went ballistic. My parents weren’t fazed by it. They sincerely hate my brother for who he is–for being gay. They kept him a secret from me all my fucking life. My brother missed the birth of his nephew, he missed my wedding, graduations, EVERYTHING. just because of my parents. they lied to me.

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