Pokémon Go is the greatest threat to the existence of the human race since the first Cheesecake Factory opened. A distracted driver crashed into a police car while he was messing around with the ridiculously popular app, while two other players were involved in similarly mind-wandering accidents. What’s to be done about this adorable nuisance? Well, we, as a society, can agree to not open Pokémon Go while behind the wheel (good luck with that), or we can evolve to look like Graham. Who’s Graham? He’s this bulbous fellow.
According to the Transport Accident Commission, in collaboration with Melbourne artist Patricia Piccinini, humans would have to resemble Graham — who has no neck, a flat face, airbags in his chest (and I don’t mean the wink-wink, hubba-hubba kind), and so many nipples — to be car crash-proof.
“People can survive running at full pace into a wall, but when you’re talking about collisions involving vehicles, the speeds are faster, the forces are greater, and the chances of survival are much slimmer,” said Transport Accident Commission CEO Joe Calafiore. “Cars have evolved a lot faster than humans, and Graham helps us understand why we need to improve every aspect of our roads system to protect ourselves from our own mistakes.”
You can currently catch Graham at the State Library of Victoria until August 8, at which point he’ll tour the country, devouring the souls of the young and old alike. Unable to make it to Australia for this rejected X-Files villain? Don’t worry, there’s a 360-degree view of Graham online.
Also, maybe we can all agree to focus on the road a little more?