It’s hard to be a genuine, upstanding cheater nowadays. Ashley Madison’s database is a sieve, some well-meaning nerd just blew up Tinder and someone always has their camera out if you venture into the outernet. Luckily, Illicit Encounters has you covered. The company with a name like the finest VHS-only porn store in Northeast Ohio is buying an island off the coast of England for the exclusive use of philanderers.
IE must not be full of Archer fans because they definitely whiffed on the chance to call it “Whore Island” — settling for the boring, if on-brand, name “Illicit Retreat.” The island features apartments with hot tubs for unscrupulous types to canoodle in and obviously plenty of beaches (though we’re not sure the North Atlantic is the most romantic ocean).
And even if someone starts to feel queasy about the whole thing, they won’t be able to rat out the location of the island. Participants are taken to the island blindfolded in a helicopter ride to cut down on alibi-busting plane tickets.
“All you need to do is sneak out for a ‘business trip’ and the rest is taken care of for you,” said Illicit Encounters spokesperson Christian Grant (clearly a made up moniker from “1001 Slick PR Rep Names”) said in an interview with The Sun.
Of course, if you have “helicopter off to a private island” money, you can probably afford other ways to keep your secrets secret. You can also probably afford a divorce.