Cultural Wasteland New York City Finally Gets A Cheesecake Factory

For far too long, New York City has been the laughingstock of the entire nation. Allegedly home to some of this nation’s most important people, the city that never sleeps also has one embarrassing flaw: it’s got no Cheesecake Factory. You might be surprised that a city so full of life (as well as Chipotles and McDonald’s) would be missing out on the culinary delights that “the Factory” (what those in the know call it) offers, but it’s true. There are native New Yorkers, people who have lived in the five boroughs their entire lives, who may have never known the joy of a good slice of OREO Dream Extreme. But that’s all about to change.

Gothamist reports that the newest addition to the Cheesecake Factory family will make its blushing debut at Elmhurst’s Queens Center mall and will feature room for approximately 230 guests (assuring that New Yorkers will get to experience the restaurant’s authentic wait times, which are somewhat reminiscent of popular descriptions of purgatory). In related news, Elmhurst is about to become a celebrity sighting Mecca — because famous people can’t stay away from the popular chain. Anyone showing up in the first few days of the eatery’s launch is likely to have a star encounter. FirstWeFeast even has a whole list of celebrities who love the restaurant, including J.Cole… who adores it so much he wanted to open one:

Apparently, J. Cole is a big fan of fruity drinks. In particular, he loves himself a Mai Tai from Cheesecake Factory, so much so that he told New York Magazine that he wanted to open a Cheesecake Factory in New York City because “we need to get one.” He looked into franchising, but apparently CF doesn’t buy into that business model. He’ll just have to become an employee and work his way up.

But aside from all those celebrity endorsements (Amber Rose and Plies are also huge fans), there are several important reasons why everyone–even New Yorkers, who have rainbow donuts and bagels to keep them happy–should enjoy a trip to the Cheesecake Factory at least once:

  1. The menu is insane and makes absolutely zero sense. You may have been to restaurants that had strange menus before, but The Cheesecake Factory features 250 items, none of them having to do with each other. And they’re all good, which the TV chefs tell us should be impossible because it’s always best to go with a limited menu.
  2. The portions are so enormous you can’t help but be reminded that there is a global food crisis and that you’re part of it. But it’s all so reasonably priced you have to order at least 15 things.
  3. Some locations have alcoholic milkshakes, which are just like regular milkshakes but better because they’ll get you drizzunk and you won’t even taste it. Suddenly, the kid throwing a tantrum at the next table is hilarious and you’re being escorted out because you egged on their temper tantrum (the wait is long) while their parents were trying to keep them from chucking their hamburger at the wall (can only vouch for this happening at the San Francisco location).
  4. Sometimes you form lasting friendships with the people you’ve been waiting with or watch them melt when the wait becomes too long to bear! Once (again, San Francisco location) I saw a woman scream, “We’re not friends anymore!” at another woman, grab her toddler, and then awkwardly wait for the elevator (which was two feet away and took approximately five minutes to arrive). Why shouldn’t New Yorkers get this same experience?

This sounds like an incredible win for the city. And with tourists flocking to locations they feel comfortable in, it sounds like an even bigger win for The Cheesecake Factory.

(Via Gothamist)