Coke Zero’s Being Replaced And Everyone’s Panicking

Why can’t companies just leave well enough alone? Why must we be constantly tortured with new recipes and discontinued delicious products that are destroying us from the inside out? “WE LIKED THEM THE WAY THEY WERE,” we shout into the void. But no one listens to us, the normal people. They bring in studies filled with other ‘people’ (I use quotations because I’ve never met one of these people, and so I have to assume they’re just stray cats that are bussed in wearing wigs and tiny suits) who taste test their products and give them entirely wrong responses. And then they go in and change everything.

Like Coca-Cola, which announced this morning that they will pull Coke Zero off the U.S. shelves in August and replace it with Coke Zero Sugar. Along with the new name, company reps say Coke Zero Sugar will have a different recipe and packaging. This is obviously a tragedy and people around the country are panicking.

But before you go buying up thousands upon thousands of cases of Coke Zero to keep in your backwoods bunker, sure that it will be the only valuable currency to trade in our inevitable Mad Max desert future, you should know that, according to the Washington Post, all the ingredients are exactly the same in Coke Zero Sugar as Coke Zero. So while Coke may be tweaking the amounts slightly, this seems to be mostly a rebranding and marketing issue.

So have no fear, your Coke Zero Sugar is probably going to be just as delicious as the old Coke Zero, just with snazzier packaging and a new name. Though you can’t please everyone. The real Coca-Cola purists are still upset about the ingredient change that happened in the early 1900’s. Those were the REAL good, old days.

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