Couples argue. It’s just what they do and — up to a point — there’s nothing wrong with that. But once you’ve been in a relationship with someone long enough that you don’t mind brushing your teeth while they poop, the fights turns from rational subjects like paying the bills on time to specific little things like who has to remember to bring the keys when you go out for lunch (whoever didn’t call it!) and whether it’s okay for your husband to just bring plants home and turn your living room into a verdant greenhouse without your permission.
Here are a few of the other petty, infuriating, and hilarious things all long-term couples fight about at least a few times a year.
Does watching a TV show without your partner count as cheating?
Your wife’s out of town but you watched Jessica Jones anyway, leaving her in the dark about your nefarious dealings. Now she’s back and wants to know exactly why you’re not surprised by a major plot line that should have blown your mind like the news that a fish with legs exists. And no, this isn’t a joke. In fact, she sighs as she presses the pause button, it would have been better if you’d just gone out and picked someone up at a bar. Watching the show together now would just be an anger-inducing reminder of your betrayal.
No one means this, of course — cheating is worse — but once you’ve committed to stay together, you should have enough respect for the other person to watch Making a Murderer at the same time, so you can both enjoy the experience of coming up with conspiracy theories. Anything less is immediate grounds for sleeping on the couch. Put that in your vows.