Life

The Girl Scouts Have Just Announced S’mores Cookies Because They’re Absolutely Trying To Ruin Your Life

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Listen up, Girl Scouts of the USA: We have a problem. It’s not the fact that you’re an organization built on empowering girls into turning into self-sufficient young women. We’re not even angry about the time Obama broke all his rules and wore a tiara with the adorable munchkins that make up the Girl Scout troops of our great nation. But the cookie situation? It’s getting a little out of control.

First of all, there’s no reason that the people of America should be able to buy their cookies online. Do not give us that level of trust. Second of all, you’ve got to cool it with the new flavors. Everyone knows these cookies are irresistible — especially if you’ve just been to the pharmacyand every time a new taste or texture is introduced you can literally hear the wallets of America gaping open as all the money inside falls out. And let’s not even talk about our waistlines, especially when we start pairing the pastries with wine. So why, friends, did you (with so many great flavors already in rotation) need to create a S’mores flavor? And how soon before it completely sells out?

According to USA Today, the new flavor was timed to drop in conjunction with National S’Mores Day (why don’t we get this day off? Isn’t this what Change.org is for?) and the cookies will be available for sale next year, giving you just enough time to start working out so you can eat as many as you want when they come to your door. But, as Billy Mays would say, you gotta wait, because there’s more.

From USA Today:

The s’mores flavor will even come in two different varieties. One is a graham cracker cookie dipped in a crème icing and then dipped in chocolate, and the other is a graham sandwich cookie with a chocolate-marshmallow filling in between.

Sounds terrible. Sign us up for 50 boxes.

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