Online dating can be, frankly, a nightmare. And no matter what advice people give you — no bathroom selfies, no politics, be funny, be chill — sometimes you feel like you just can’t catch a break. Do you mention your job? Or your casual hobby of entering competitive eating competitions? Do you tell potential dates that you make a mean pulled pork, or do you pretend you don’t even know what food is until the fourth date?
Should you even admit to being a human being, or would that be too much?!
Well, never fear, Tinder-user. Because online dating site Zoosk has got your back. The company recently analyzed 3.7 million dating profiles and over 364 million first messages on their dating service to determine what works and what doesn’t when it comes to mentioning food. The results are scrumptious. The long and short of it is this: “Any mention of food in an online dating profile is going to result in an increase in inbound messages.” Some foods will gain you more messages than others, like chocolate, potatoes, and, the ruler of them all, guacamole.
Mentioning guacamole, in fact, will net you a 144 percent increase in inbound messages. (Interestingly enough, avocado only nets you a 91 percent increase, so make sure you’re specific about your love of guac.)
It makes sense, in a way. After all, guacamole says: yeah, I’m fun. I know it’s extra, and I’m financially secure enough to deal with it. But avocados say: I will spend frivolously on avocado toast like it’s going out of style, and I will never own a home, so I will not be a good long-term mate.
Talking about food isn’t always a surefire way to make people pay attention to you, though. According to Zoosk’s survey, mentioning fried chicken will result in a 15 percent decrease in messages. Yams? A 70 percent decrease. Guess these Tinder snobs don’t want to know the secret to the perfect yam casserole. (It’s sage, you monsters.)
Meanwhile, these yam-haters are aaaaall about salad, which is the fourth most successful message-boosting food, with a 97 percent increase in inbound messages. Blah, blah, healthy lifestyle and all that. You know what else is healthy? A nice roasted yam.
But we digress. The point is that you probably don’t have to worry so much about what you include in your profile. You can let the world know that you like to pig out on cake, and it’ll get you 72 percent more messages. Shout about Thanksgiving from the rooftops! Write a love poem to sushi! You’ll get so many messages and swipes to the right! And you’ll find your soulmate (or, at least, someone to hang out with for a while) in no time.