Gwyneth Paltrow’s New Travel App Is Exactly What You’d Expect From A Gwyneth Paltrow Travel App

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Gwyneth Paltrow, conscious uncoupler and recent purveyor of 15-thousand dollar sexual products, has stepped out with an exciting new venture. The woman who’s done it all — from winning an Oscar, to naming a child after a fruit, to running a luxury lifestyle site with a weird name — has just launched herself into the travel app game. Paltrow being Paltrow, the app even comes complete with a pearl-clutching name. It’s called G.Spotting.

Sadly, the name — chosen so that your mom has to explain why there’s something so risqué on her phone — is probably the best thing about G.Spotting (it’s a pun, we just got it!). According to Conde Nast Traveler, the app is meant to give you a guide to over 25 cities, letting you know what’s hot, what’s underground, how to get around (spoiler: Uber or rental car; Paltrow doesn’t seem like the public transportation-type), and what to do if you’ve had a medical emergency.

NOTE: That tip is to always call the emergency number for the region you’re in. Of course, if you’re using an app called G.Spotting to tell you what to do while bleeding, you probably have bigger problems.

Aside from little tidbits of info on every locale — including some that are horrifyingly wrong, like hailing Chez Panisse, which isn’t even in San Francisco, as the city’s most important point of interest — the app functions more like Yelp than anything else. It offers up curated lists of shops which Paltrow approves of, guides on what to do if you’re, say, a “hipster” (that’s not even a dig, there’s an actual “Hipster Guide to San Francisco” which features well-known establishments beloved by all tourists), and activities you might partake in if you were just a little more well-off than you are now.

The downside is that none of Paltrow’s picks feature actual reviews of the places or offer in-app ways to make reservations — making it hard to see why anyone who’s not an ardent fan of the star would call up the app instead of just googling “what do locals think is cool to do in [insert city here]?”

The other downside? Some of the most interesting places only have one guide, which will greatly diminish your enjoyment of the app. Los Angeles and New York, for instance, have recommendations that go on for days. Hong Kong, Austin, and Amsterdam? Not so much. You’re getting one guide and a few sentences about why GP (that’s what Paltrow’s referred to) thinks the city is neat.

Still, for those terrified of travel or people who like to think they’re adventurous (without having to encounter any actual adventure), this is a great way to check out some touristy sights without having to wander off the beaten path.

And according to Conde Nast Travel, not every activity listed is for the rich and famous:

And don’t assume it’s all for the 1 percent: On movie shoots, Paltrow said she would ask the makeup artist or truck drivers where to get pizza rather than the hotel concierge. Her insider-y database ranges from a legendary churreria in Mexico City, to cool concept shops that stay open in Paris in August, to the best lounge for retro cocktails in Hong Kong.