In one of the more confusing criminal acts of our time, a group of thieves entered a Duane Reade pharmacy in New York City and proceeded to make off with more than 200 pints of ice cream, valued at more than $1,300. An ice cream heist. It was an ice cream heist!
The thieves entered the Broadway pharmacy near Duane St. just before 5 p.m. on Friday and raided the store’s refrigerator.
The suspects stuffed 226 14-ounce pints of Haagen-Dazs, as well as six 16-ounce tubs of Delish ice cream into their backpacks and ran off, workers told police.
Ice cream is delicious. Of course someone would want to steal ice cream. That’s not the issue here. The issue here, what makes it confusing, is the logistics and motive. There are just so many questions one has to ask after reading about this. How long had they been planning this? Were they, like, professionals? Were all their backpacks the insulated kind, to keep the ice cream from melting? Did they make their getaway in a refrigerated truck? What exactly do they plan on doing with 230 pints of ice cream? What would you do if you opened someone’s freezer and it was stuffed completely full with pints of Haagen-Dazs? Is there some sort of ice cream black market we don’t know about? Was this their big score?
In fact, the only thing we know for certain here is that if the security footage of the ice cream heist ever gets released, someone really, really needs to set it to “Sinnerman” by Nina Simone, like the ending of The Thomas Crown Affair. Need that, pronto.
(Via New York Daily News)