It’s fall, and that means fall-themed flavors of everything you can imagine! And don’t think for a second that the world’s most versatile and confused breakfast food, Pop Tarts, aren’t going to get in on this tasty, toasty autumn action. In addition to welcoming back their Pumpkin Pie and Spookylicious flavors, Kellogg’s has announced some new additions to your pantry that are sure to leave you asking yourself: Do I eat this for breakfast, dessert, or just all day long whenever I want because I am an adult?
First up is Chocolately Caramel, which is straight-up dessert. Let’s not lie to ourselves here. This is dessert. It’s chocolate and caramel, and never have those two things together been anything but dessert. Can you imagine a chocolate caramel muffin? No. It’s a cupcake. Which is a muffin with icing, but that icing disqualifies it from being “official breakfast.” That said, you can still eat that whenever you want.
Next is Maple Bacon, which was inevitable and can easily be considered breakfast or dessert and is very on trend. Why? Because bacon is always on trend and maple bacon is the best warm, fuzzy, sweet, savory food combination since sea salt caramel. You knew this was coming. Don’t resist it. No matter how artificial or disgusting it seems. Your body wants this. Do not disappoint it.
Third is Frosted Watermelon which had better taste like the Watermelon Roll from Friendly’s or it can GTFO. But it should do that anyway because it is not summer, as much as it keeps trying to be summer. (I’m looking at you, Indian summer.)
Fourth is Frosted Spring Strawberry. Now, strawberry is the old Pop Tart standby, frosted or unfrosted, so what are you doing, Frosted Spring Strawberry? Oh, you have pictures? Something to distract us so we don’t notice you’re not really a new flavor? Are you spiked with rum? Because I’d actually love that Pop Tart. I’d make it my wedding cake.
Finally, Pink Lemonade, which doesn’t come out until April 2016 as opposed to the others, which are coming out before that (Chocolatey Caramel and Frosted Watermelon and, presumably Maple Bacon are coming out starting in December, Frosted Spring Strawberry I would guess is coming out in the spring). My first instinct was “No, stop it, Pop Tarts,” but then I realized that this might taste like a lemon bar, and there is nothing wrong with that.
So, there you have it — your incoming diet-killers! Good luck trying to resist!