Mariah Carey Only Eats Two Things And They’re Weird As Hell

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Mariah Carey, who sometimes goes by Mimi and sometimes styles herself as “the elusive chanteuse” is no stranger to getting weird. Anyone who’s watched her MTV Cribs episode (you have, right? It’s some of the best television in the world) or remembers when she started calling her followers “lambs” knows that. But even Carey’s most devout followers — the ones who would blindly buy anything the singer slaps her name on — might be just a little weirded out by her diet. You see, Mariah Carey eats only two things. And they’re not what you’d call exciting.

During an interview with E!, Carey revealed that she keeps herself in tip-top condition (her billboards were banned for being too sexy) by eating the most boring food imaginable. You’d think that an international superstar with tons of money would be dining on the finest pizzas from Round Table (hey, they’re the most expensive!) or enjoying Whopper after delicious Whopper, but….hmmm:

“It’s really hard. My diet, you would hate it,” Carey told E! News recently while promoting the Dec. 4 premiere of her new E! docs-series Mariah’s World. “All you eat is Norwegian salmon and capers every day. That’s it.”

“I’m actually serious,” she laughed, adding, “I try to stick with the proteins. It’s the worst.” But it works!

You’re not kidding, Mimi! That is the worst. It’s like those ads you get in your email that scream “LOSE ALL YOUR WEIGHT BY EATING THESE TWO WEIRD THINGS! DOCTORS HATE THIS MOM’S SECRET!” And if that’s what it takes to keep a celebrity figure, pass the Taco Bell and keep us away from the spotlight. (Can we get an amen?) (Amen. There we did it for you.)

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