In today’s edition of “This is hella unnecessary” news, New Jersey officials are putting parents on “high” alert for Halloween, imploring them to check their trick-or-treaters’ loot for candy laced with marijuana, more commonly known as “edibles.” Much like the “razor blades in apples” and “needles in candy bars” warnings of yore, parents are being urged to check all candy acquired by their children for tampering — but this time, pot is the harmful addition to Halloween confections.
According to the state’s Department of Health, there are a ton of edibles in and around New Jersey (lol duh), and the candies, which are illegal in the state of New Jersey, are highly potent and pose a big risk to consumers. Among those accidental consumers are children who could mistakenly be given the gummies or chocolates in their bags after trick-or-treating on Halloween.
Officials are warning parents that the candies bear a close similarity to regular candy, yet they smell a lot like the marijuana plant.
On behalf of the rest of America, allow us to assuage the fears of New Jersey parents:
AIN’T. NO. BODY. GIVIN’. AWAY. THEIR. EDIBLES.
First of all, pot smokers, eaters, and manufacturers keep close track of their product. Thus, if they are even sober enough to give out candy on Halloween, it is highly (pun intended) unlikely they will mix up, swap out, or otherwise give out free weed to anyone, let alone mini Taylor Swifts and “It” clowns.
Also, fine, check your kid’s stash, but you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes: Packaging for the “special” candy is clearly marked to avoid such a potentially horrible mixup.
Second, if you’re a street pharmacist, ganja grower, or sticky icky shopper, 10 times out of nine, tiny people in costume are just gonna freak you out. You’re not opening the door, anyway.
And finally, if Jersey officials are looking for a day to be on the lookout for an abundance of edibles, it probably should have been in April, not October. Good lookin’ out, though, we guess?