Here’s a simple truth: No one wants to go to your dumb wedding. Okay, maybe our mom does. Maybe a few close friends, too. But for many of us out there, being invited to a wedding means two things: having to spend an entire day sitting with strangers (or that aunt you really, really hate) and having to spend hella money on a wedding gift that there’s only a 50 percent chance you’ll ever even be thanked for. People go to weddings because they love you and respect the obligation, but the fun stops there. Once the wedding is over, you collect all the memories, say thank you for people showing up to watch your important moments, and move on. You certainly don’t roll into someone’s emails to demand a bigger present. Well, at least most people don’t. The couple you’re about to meet, though? They went all in.
The story, originally posted to Mumsnet, goes something like this: A woman goes to a wedding of a former co-worker, sends a check that no one would consider inappropriate, then thinks things are all good in the hood. The newlyweds, however, disagree. So they send an email saying “yo, you just got an inheritance, what’s the deal with this stingy-ass gift?” but you know, more politely.
Don’t believe people could be so rude? Check out the full text of the email:
I recently attended an ex-colleague’s wedding where, in response to a request for cash gifts, I sent what I thought was a pretty decent cheque (£100 if it matters, though I can’t help feeling it shouldn’t)
Last night I received an email which opened with a few comments about how glad they were to see everybody and how generous they’d all been, then said “we were surprised that your contribution didn’t seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustment it would be thankfully received”
For someone who’s not easily shocked I confess I’m utterly gobsmacked by this. So as not to drip feed I’ll mention that “your own position” probably refers to a recent inheritance I’ve had, which maybe they expected something from (and this is an ex-colleague, remember, not a close friend or relative)
Please, anyone, what do I do now? I’ve never come across anything like this before and still can’t quite believe they’ve done it — but since they have, should I reply, ring them, ignore it or what??
The consensus, of course, is that these people are awful. It’s sad that someone actually had to post to a forum to ascertain whether it’s okay for people to straight-up demand presents now, but the responses, fortunately, were overwhelmingly positive, ranging from suggestions to cancel the check (fair) to asking around if others got the same email (in order to create a class-action lawsuit or?) to sending the couple a book on etiquette because weddings gifts should never be a reason to have a wedding. And, as most people know, a wedding gift is an optional show of affection and not a mandatory entrance fee that guests must pay in order to eat rubbery steak at the Best Western on Highway 22. If a gift truly is mandatory in your eyes, you need to put that right on the actual invitation so anyone who’s not in a financial situation to give one knows they’re not welcome. Or have a “silent wedding,” which removes the need for all that awful planning and pretending to care about your guests and gets right to demand for gifts without any fuss. (Just don’t expect to keep any friends.)
And here’s one more important thought on gifts: If you’re going to shame others for not bringing a present, or not bringing enough of a present, you’re only perpetuating the idea that weddings are a cash grab and should be avoided even by the closest friends if someone can’t afford it. And that’s just pretty gross. Actually, super gross. Remember this couple who threw a fit over someone bringing the wrong gift, leading to the best text message fight of our time? Or the couple that sent a wedding guest a bill for not showing up? Trust us: No one was on their side.