One of the worst dates I’ve ever experienced involved a very fit gentleman who decided to shock his system by taking advantage of an all-you-can-eat enchilada night. For some inexplicable reason, he decided that getting his money’s worth involved eating an enchilada for every dollar spent. So, he ate eight of those suckers, and they weren’t small. Even worse, each plate of two enchiladas arrived with beans and rice as well. He duly demolished everything and spent the rest of the night complaining about how crappy he felt. This was not romantic, and his digestive recovery took days.
Likewise, the fine people of Reddit have seen some crazy things go down at buffet-type establishments. Many of these tales come from employees, but some folks have simply witnessed strangeness while stuffing their own faces. Seriously, these are some wild stories. We’re supposed to eat to live, right? These folks lived to eat, so abandon all hope, ye who read further.
ILaughAtFunnySh*t saw some guy who pwn3d a pizza place like a champ:
“Pizza Buffet. Dude came in for lunch buffet and ate a pretty good amount. Fell asleep in his booth for a few hours then ate buffet again for dinner.”
Things got violent elsewhere with crab legs, according to Angela Bee:
“I saw two guys get into a fistfight on crab leg night at the Chinese buffet because one guy stacked his plate about a foot high with crab legs and the other guy wanted some of them.”
Samacerothstein saw one mother breaking the rules in an unusual way:
“Lady came in with two small kids. Said she wouldn’t pay for two kids because they wouldn’t be eating. We were curious where the kids went at one point and found she was feeding them under the table like dogs.”
Whereas NerdDog13 witnessed the worst of humanity in one sitting:
“Once witnessed a man eat 4 plates of food piled high (I’m talking southern food, so it was all fried foods) claim he was having a heart attack and clutch his chest, then let the biggest, most foul smelling fart I have ever experienced. After he laughed, he continued to go back and eat two more plates of entrees, and a plate of desserts.”
Things start to get really gross with Gensix‘s tale of pasta gone wrong:
“When I worked at Olive Garden someone had SIXTEEN (16) bowls of the never ending pasta. They threw up in the lobby. They also weren’t huge, before you ask.”
Stack restaurants are news to me, but PTasty knows the drill:
“I watched a fight break out between a customer and a manager at an all you can stack restaurant. Anyway this guy had his plate stacked about 12+inches high with food. As he was reaching for a serving spoon he dropped his plate. He demanded another and the manager got pissed and told him he shouldn’t have stacked it so high. He refused to give the man a refund, he pointed to a sign that said something about paying for dropped food. Apparently wasn’t the first time this had happened.”
Tausend Dank saw someone commit the ultimate dessert sin with pie:
“Watched a woman come in, go right to the dessert section, and pick up 4 plates of pumpkin pie. Then, she gets up before shes even finished eating the four slices she’s already grabbed, cuts right in front of a kid about to grab a slice, and picks up 4 more plates. I should mention she didn’t even finish them all. There were like 2 and 3/4 slices of pie on her table when she left.”
Little brothers with fast metabolisms can work serious damage, says K1LL3RM0NG0:
“My little brother nearly got kicked out of a Ryans steakhouse. When he was like 12 he had a crazy high metabolism and put away like 5 steaks from their buffet at once. Went to get a 6th one and the guy grilling them up forbid him from getting another one. Manager was called, my dad got pissed, brother got his 6th and 7th steak. Was a good night.”
WarmitOfTheSun saw someone with a huge ranch dressing fetish:
“I once saw a really fat dude at a Chinese Buffett smear ranch dressing from his wrist to elbow then as he ate he brushed the food along the dressing before putting into his mouth.”
Finally, Rennsellable brings it home with a story that cannot possibly be real. Or is it?
“Golden corral employee here … Once this very big lady started sh*tting her pants on the way to the bathroom, the sh*t kept falling through her shorts on the floor … in front of the bars and everything and everyone … after going to the bathroom she proceeded to go back to her table and keep on eating. True story.”
Well, when someone says “true story” on the internet, it must be authentic. Read the rest of this abhorrent Reddit thread right here.