Hey, you guys, want to take your mind off the election for a second and focus on a disaster even bigger than what we’ve got going on politically? Yeah, you do, and we’ve been scouring the internet all day trying to find you something — anything — that could make you say “Hey, look at me, I’m not thinking about the election right now and I’m doing okay!” You ready? Because it’s semen smoothies. (Oh man, did we just blow that reveal?)
If you’re not familiar with Tracy Kiss, the woman who’s speaking out about the health benefits of drinking sperm in order to avoid colds and other minor and temporary ailments (for which medicines exist, but you know, different strokes), let’s get you caught up: She a former model and mother of two who’s already made major headlines thanks to her staunch advocacy of semen facials for making her skin look perfect. But Kiss isn’t a one pump pony! No, now she’s ingesting semen by the tubful to keep her health in check, telling The Sun that she’s got a friend who comes over three times a week with a (hopefully frozen) donation to aid her cause.
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“It can taste really good – depending on what my friend has been eating. My other mates think I’m strange, but I don’t give a toss.”
“I know he’s healthy, doesn’t smoke, drink or do drugs and I made him have an STI check,” she said.
All joking aside (and there had to be some joking, we all know that), Kiss says that there’s nothing sexual about her arrangement with her pal and that she’s making semen smoothies purely for the health benefits, which she may know a thing or two about (?) considering that she’s both a personal trainer and a certified nutritional adviser. Kiss told The Sun that the concoctions she makes with fruit and chia seeds — sometimes she’ll drink the semen “neat,” if her donor hasn’t been drinking alcohol or eating anything smelly — have brightened her mood and given her more energy than she’s ever had before. And she says that it’s time we stop getting freaked out about what she’s doing and start embracing the natural health aspects of male ejaculate:
“Sperm is an awesome product and we should stop being so ridiculous about it – the health benefits have been well researched and more women and men should take advantage of it particularly as its made by our own bodies and doesn’t contain e-numbers and chemicals.”
She said: “I felt the need to share this information. People are so weird about sperm when in actual fact a teaspoon is filled with amazing goodness.”
Is Kiss right? According to The Sun’s own specialist, there’s absolutely no logic to her claims — even though Kiss truly believes that eating semen has changed her life. While semen may have more zinc in it “than other bodily” fluids, The Sun reports that it’s still not nearly as much as one would get in a pill or tablet form.
Kiss doesn’t care about naysayers. She’s single right now — although, as we’ve noted in the past, many men have made her offers of love and friendship — but hopes to be in a relationship in which her partner eventually replaces the friend to provide her with a fresh semen supply and …Oh god. Someone make jokes in the comments please.