If you’ve ever been caught making out on Space Mountain, then you know exactly how exciting the idea of space sex can be. And yet, it’s still an under-studied field. Two years ago, PornHub launched an unsuccessful Kickstarter to give some of its most popular stars orbital orgasms (it stalled at $236,000, with a goal of $3.4 million). In the days since, we haven’t heard much about what sex in space would be like or how safe it is. And it’s not just for our present-day selves that we’re wondering. It’s for the future of humanity.
You’d think that we’d already know what space sex would be like, due to the all the astronauts that have been up in the stratosphere. But it turns out that NASA doesn’t have any reports of people joining the 62-mile-high club and a highly publicized report on the matter — later featured in a book — turned out to be a complete hoax. That’s why it’s more important now than ever that brave men and women start thinking about volunteering to get jiggy with it among the stars.
According to Kris Lenhardt, Assistant Professor at The George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences, we need to know how space sex works if we plan on conquering the cosmos. On a recent panel, hosted by The Atlantic, Lenhardt said that if we plan on colonizing on other planets we need to know not only how sex works but what reproduction will look like. Sure, the movies tell us that xenomorphs just burst out of people’s chests, but what about humans? The only studies carried out so far have been on rats — and, unfortunately, they haven’t been too promising.
That’s why experts say that NASA will soon need to stop turning up its nose at space sex studies and do a full-on research project concerning the topic. And they’re going to need volunteers. Would you do it? How much would you need to be paid? And would you be chill with having sex in space even though it’s likely going to be both embarrassing (not a lot of privacy in the space shuttle) and uncomfortable (unless you’re already into restraints)?
Experts who spoke to Glamour revealed that thrusting in zero-gravity will prove to be an arduous task — imagine being pushed away from your partner every time they piston their hips forward — so those looking to get lucky will have to be connected to each other and the structure they’re rocking with a “jungle gym” apparatus that holds everything together. And that’s even before you get into the fact that maintaining an erection would be hard (sorry) in a situation where blood isn’t flowing downward and the fact that getting busy while in space could lead to sweat just pooling off the body and floating around the (not-so-happy) couple.
But still: Think of the experience! And the possible contributions for generations to come! Think of the children! (Or rather, don’t. That’s probably going to kill the mood even further.)