Somewhere around the two-thirds mark on your first plate of Thanksgiving food, you begin to sense a wee bit of tightness across the old abdomen. By seconds, tightness has become a band of discomfort just under the waist of your jeans. Dessert ratchets things up to a searing, white hot ligature of bloodless flesh squeezed raw and red by your refusal to unbutton your pants and let your gut make a holiday appearance at the table. Though you get an award for modesty, you won’t be getting one for planning.
But, this year you can avoid any Thanksgiving waist band agony by wearing Stove Top’s Thanksgiving dinner pants. These cranberry-colored stretchy trousers are accented with stuffing patterned fabric across the abdomen and in the pockets. It’s the little details, right?
Ultimately, we all know that these are maternity pants with a veneer of holiday cheer, which seems to make it acceptable to wear them to meal with your extended family. When grandma turns a stern eye and asks what you are wearing, you can gesture to the embroidered Stove Top name with pride and reverence to show that you are too good for her scratch stuffing and her judgement. Besides, it’s not fair that only toddlers, pregnant women, and elderly people can rock jersey pants with an elastic waist without repercussions.
Today marks the first day the pants can be purchased from the website ThanksgivingDinnerPants.com (how much do you think they had to pay for that domain?) for $19.98. But, be warned, the sizes only extend from small to extra-large. That seems like a glaring miscalculation. These are exactly the kind of garment that works well for the big and tall set. As a member of said set, where are my side dish themed maternity pajama pants?
Sure, they boast extra-extra-large pockets, but I need them to have an extra-extra-large ass.
Twitter users seems largely amused by the turkey trousers, but smiles aren’t stopping sales.
Purchasers are limited to a single pair per order, so if you plan on buying some Thanskgiving dinner pants for everyone, plan ahead. And, you can feel good about purchasing a pair of these stylish stuffing slacks because Stove Top is donating $10,000 to Feeding America in recognition of the holiday season.