A Very Important Review Of Taco Bell’s New Cap’n Crunch Bites

Once Taco Bell’s latest culinary masterpiece, Cap’n Crunch Delights, was available everywhere, we at Uproxx knew that we immediately had to send two staffers to try them. It’s the American way (to taste-test fast food desserts). Would Josh and Steve regret their decision? Let’s find out!

JOSH: Before we begin, I need to take you through my buying experience. It was the post-lunch non-rush on a Wednesday afternoon; I was one of three cars in line. The actual ordering of the donut… that was a breeze, but it took a solid five minutes for me to get my bag of deep-fried Cadbury Eggs, or whatever we’re about to eat, after paying. That’s probably not a good sign?

STEVE: First of all, I feel like you got caught slipping by getting your Cap’n Crunch Bites in the drive-thru. There is something about the way the cashier looked at me when I ordered them that made me think, “Nope. I’m going to eat them here and make them be accountable.” That being said, mine took a long time, too. It’s obviously a delicate alchemy that can’t be rushed.

Did yours have a sort of pink-greyishness to them? Mine did. Which makes sense — all the crushed cereal in the world can’t hide the color of Taco Bell’s used fry oil mixing with neon pink. Also, and not to pile it on before we get to the taste, but my dusting of cereal was a little light.

JOSH: Here’s a photo.

They look like those dinosaur egg candies with a soft dusting of breadcrumbs. The Delights could have been baked 10 minutes before I bought them, or 10 weeks ago. I have no idea. Anyway, I bought the four-pack, because I’m an idiot, although a two-piece is also available for anyone who doesn’t want to inject their body with chemicals (and maybe some cereal). You had yours a few days ago. Do you remember what they tasted like/has it lingered like a hangover you can’t shake?

STEVE: So, I went with my goddaughter and her friends and we went full 12-pack. The girls immediately said that they tasted “chemical-y.” Mind you, we’d eaten Eggo Waffles for breakfast and they’d had Doritos Locos Tacos, but the Cap’n Crunch bites were singled out for the chemicals [just realizing now that I’m a horrible f*cking godfather].