It’s mid-July, meaning you’ve only got about a month of summer left before the Halloween decorations come out. Time to seize the day and squeeze every last second of adventure out of it. If your goal is to achieve maximum fun in minimal time, you’ve got to go to a water park. Sure, there’s a good chance you might swallow a few gallons of chlorine, but that’s a small price to pay for the excitement of riding the world’s longest water slide! Right?
So it’s established: The water park is the way to go, but where can you find the most insane slides?
Remember Action Park, the New Jersey theme park that’s responsible for six deaths and and scores of injuries? Well, it’s back and it’s got a terrifying new water slide for you to “enjoy.” The park’s newest main attraction comes in at over 2,000 feet and is so long that the person who rode it to certify it for the Guinness Book of World Records got stuck several times. Stuck at Action Park? If that’s not scary, what is?
Bro Bible reports that the slide actually looks kind of boring, but this video makes it seem anything but. Perhaps it’s the vertigo inducing acceleration, or the potential of overturning while careening down a hill at high speeds, but only the bravest souls will dare this monster when it opens to the public. (It’s also the tamest slide on the list, just saying.)
Next year, Action Park plans to install Sky Calibre, which includes both a free fall and a vertical loop. You probably don’t want to eat beforehand.
Sure, the loop on this slide isn’t quite vertical, but it’ll feel like it as powerful forces race you forward inside an enclosed tube. Fun and safe! (Maybe.)
This slide has got several things going for it. One, there are sharks circling at the bottom (sectioned off, of course); and two, LeBron James and Dwyane Wade were just at the Atlantis resort, where the slide is located. No word on whether James and Wade rode the slide, but we know they loved the banana boat!
Here we are back in Jersey, where Action Park’s got another exciting (and terrifying) adventure for you. It’s called Zero-G and it includes both a loop and a steep, steep drop. According to the rider who posted the above video, the ride starts out scary, then you get used to it, then you realize it’s even scarier than you once thought. A ringing endorsement.
Everything’s up-to-date in Kansas City, including this attraction at Schlitterbahn (which roughly translates to “super-scary-water-slides”). The slide garnered world-wide acclaim last year when it was crowned the world’s tallest. The good news that it’s so fast, you probably won’t even have time to freak out until you reach the bottom.
The Travel Channel reveals that Stukas, located at the Caneva Aquapark in Verona, is so fear-inducing that 40 percent of riders opt out of riding after waiting through the whole line. I’d elaborate further, but just watching the video has given me a panic attack.
Take a trip down to Waco’s BSR Cable Park, where the water slides are so intense that they actually launch riders into the air. The riders then flail against the forces of gravity before splashing down in a chemical-colored blue pond. The ride has only been open a few weeks, but over 17 million people have already watched it punish rider after rider on YouTube. Would you pay for the privilege of being tossed into the air like a rag doll?
Terror isn’t all about heights, sometimes it’s just a few moments disoriented in the dark with multi-colored LEDs flashing all around you. If complete darkness is your biggest fear, you might want to avoid Black Hole, which starts out completely dark. But there’s a light at the end of, or in, the tunnel. As the darkness lifts, it’s replaced by neon lights and stars. And then…more darkness, as if you hadn’t gotten enough of that already.