Kim Kardashian’s New Video Game Is Everything You’d Expect And Less

Senior Writer
06.18.14 8 Comments

If recent ratings news is any indication, fewer people have been Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and soon enough, E! may even have a hard time paying them. The number of viewers was down significantly from last season, and the same was the case last year, which means that the show could soon become unprofitable for the network, and then we might actually be rid of them. The problem with that hope, though, is that if you scroll through Kim Kardashian’s recent Instagram photos, you’ll see there are still plenty of companies that want to give her and her family money to pretend like they use their products.

And now, the woman who really doesn’t have a talent other than “expose breasts” has added another paycheck to her family’s empire. Next week, you’ll be able to download Kim Kardashian: Hollywood on the iPad and Amazon Play, so you can fulfill your wildest dreams of having Kardashian tell you that she likes your fashion sense the same way an online professor blandly compliments a student’s Wikipedia cut-and-paste. Today, Kanye West’s wife shared the trailer for the game on Instagram, and the 200,000+ likes tell us that we’re still a long ways away from being done with this nonsense.

Just from that video, it appears that this is merely a game where success is measured by how great your fashion sense is, but I’m hoping that it’s more. Perhaps it’s a classic role-playing game, where you are the female protagonist who looks to succeed in a male-dominated world by becoming smarter, more talented and shrewder with every move. You choose between taking chances that could make or break your career and investing in the ideas of others to help increase the net worth and global recognition of your brand. Your hard work and self-respect are rewarded level-by-level with the praise of your peers and riches beyond your wildest dreams, as little girls throughout America stand in front of their mirrors and pretend that they sing, act and dance as well as you, or they open bigger and more intelligent books with the hopes of one day gaining your savvy and unparalleled business sense.

OR they choose the other option on the start screen, which is having sex with a rapper you’ve never heard of and letting Vivid sell the tape that the character’s mom signed off on. Sigh.

Kris Jenner Dancing


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