The NY Times Continues Its Hilarious War On Taylor Lautner

11.17.11 7 years ago

Kids, it’s one thing for Vince at Film Drunk to frequently take blatant, vicious shots at Taylor Lautner’s looks and acting skillz — which he does often, hilariously — but it’s another thing when the New York Times, referred to in some circles as the “Old Grey Lady” because it’s so goddamn staid, takes such shots, as it has and continues to do.

As you may recall, the Times compared Lautner’s face to that of a neanderthal with a makeover in its review of Abduction a couple of months ago.

To give Mr. Lautner his due, he is a martial-arts dervish with perfectly sculptured abs. His acting, however, is another matter. I can’t recall another teenage star so opaque. If his physiognomy—recessed eyes that don’t seem to focus, a wide snub nose and Elvis-y lips—conjure Neanderthal manhood after a cosmetic makeover, his boyish monotone with its utter lack of inflection suggests that he is really an advanced robot simulating human speech without registering emotion or even comprehension.

Now today, in their review of Breaking Dawn, the Times is at it again, comparing Lautner to a pizza delivery boy in a porn movie.

That’s reason enough for Mr. Condon to get the character’s shirt off, as is the unavoidable truth that Mr. Lautner, whose pumped physique and flat affect bring to mind one of those friendly pizza delivery boys in a pornographic movie, remains a dish best served with as few words and clothes as possible.

At least they show him enough respect to call him “Mr.” That’s kind of a stretch if you ask me.

(HT: Holly Bailey)

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