MMA

UFC Fight Night 68 Picks: Can Hendo Leave NO With A KO?

Hey fight fans, we’ve got another Fight Night on our hands, this time from the wonderful city of New Orleans. UFC Fight Night 68 will start at 7 p.m. EST on Fight Pass, so let’s jump right into the picks and predictions for this card.

Important Standings of Note:

Jessica: 399-265-4 (60 percent)
Burnsy: 410-241-5 (63 percent)
Vince: 199-126-2 (61 percent)
Ryan: 10-5-1 (66 percent)
Danny: 161-77-1 (67 percent)
Spilled: 81-60-2 (57 percent)
Sydnie: 16-12 (57 percent)
Chris: 42-13-2 (75 percent)
NY Ric: 36-26-1 (57 percent)
Ghost: 6-7 (46 percent)
Seth: 32-15 (68 percent)
Biss: 41-39-1 (51 percent)
Jared: 58-33-1 (64 percent)
Melanie: 15-8 (65 percent)

Bantamweight – Jose “Teco” Quinonez vs Leonardo “Chimmy” Morales

Jessica: Hey, look, the two losers of TUF: Latin America facing each other! Both guys don’t have extensive records, and haven’t really beaten anyone that great, so I’ve got to dig deep and go with Quinonez because of his sweet conquistador facial hair. Quinonez wins by third-round TKO.

Burnsy: Who on Earth are these guys? NO IDEA! So I’ll use my time-honored tradition of picking the fighter that Mobby didn’t pick. I’ll take Morales.

Middleweight – Ricardo “Demente” Abreu vs Jake “The Prototype” Collier

Jessica: I guess I’ll stick with the undefeated guy to stay that way. Abreu will knock Collier around on the feet and then lock up a second-round submission win.

Burnsy: How has Abreu not fought in over a year? The dude’s 5-0, won his UFC debut in exciting fashion and he hasn’t fought since? What’s that? I can look it up on an Internet search engine, you say? Screw that. I’m all about speculation. Abreu hasn’t fought because he’s too dangerous, and Collier made a huge mistake taking this fight.

Lightweight – Joe Proctor vs Justin “Fast Eddy” Edwards

Jessica: Edwards hasn’t fought in a year and a half. Plus, Proctor trains with Joe Lauzon, and that’s good enough for me. Proctor wins by decision.

Burnsy: *clears throat, adjusts Hawaiian shirt* PROCTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!! Seriously, though, Police Academy movies were the best. Edwards is not the best. In fact, he’s been a punching bag. Proctor wins.

Lightweight – Chris Wade vs Christos “The Spartan” Giagos

Jessica: Wade is a Strong Island dude, and those guys are on a beastly tear. Wade should throw Giagos around and land a ground-and-pound TKO win in the second.

Burnsy: Normally I’d say that Wade is 2-0 in the UFC and that’s the kind of momentum a young fighter needs to make an impact early. Giagos might be 1-1 in the UFC, but that loss came to my brother from another mom, Gilbert Burns, so we can’t hold it against him. I like to think that when Brazilian Burnsy defeats you, he delivers a lesson to you by osmosis and you become a better fighter for it. So I’m taking Giagos, even if the only Spartans I typically pick drink gasoline.

Welterweight – Brian “Bad Boy” Ebersole vs Omari “The Cat” Akhmedov

Jessicca: This is a really tough pick for me. I like both dudes, but I think Ebersole’s getting a little up there in fight years, with this being his 69th pro fight. I’m taking the Dagestani to withstand Ebersole’s hair-row onslaught and take a decision win.

Burnsy: I’m taking The Cat because that nickname reminds me of Ernest Miller, so someone call my mama!

Heavyweight – Shawn “The Savage” Jordan vs Derrick “Black Beast” Lewis

Jessica: Lewis lost to Jordan in Derrick’s second-ever fight, and since then, Lewis has knocked out a ton of folks. I think that, plus the fact that Jordan’s got quite a few knockout losses on his chin, means Lewis will put Shawn to sleep. Derrick wins with a first-round KO.

Burnsy: I never pick against my man Lewis.

Bantamweight – Francisco “Cisco” Rivera vs Alex “Bruce Leeroy” Caceres

Jessica: This is another tough fight for me to pick. Both dudes are pretty good, and both have lost to Urijah Faber recently, which isn’t a big issue, since Faber is really dang good. After about 50 mental coin flips, I’m going with Caceres, because c’mon, it’s Bruce Leeroy! Caceres wins a scrappy decision.

Burnsy: I’ve been really disappointed with Bruce Leeroy after losing his last two fights and not representing that great name by being the master. I’m picking Rivera because I’m so mad at Caceres over this.

Bantamweight – Joe “One Bad Mofo” Soto vs Anthony “El Toro” Birchak

Jessica: Really? Soto hung in for five rounds with TJ Dillashaw, while Birchak got subbed in one by Ian Entwistle. Soto gets a second-round submission.

Burnsy: I get that Soto wanted to take the fight that he was originally scheduled to have before he did the ballsy thing at UFC 177, so that’s cool and all. But still, dude better have a much better fight card slot coming after this if he wins. And he will.

Featherweight – Thiago Tavares vs Brian “T-City” Ortega

Jessica: Ortega is a solid grappler, but so is Tavares. Thiago usually only falls to top level wrestlers, and Ortega isn’t that, even with steroids. I think Tavares will take this fight by decision.

Burnsy: Tavares has won two in a row by rear-naked choke, so he’ll do it again and do the Brazilian turkey dance, if that’s actually a thing.

Lightweight – Dustin “The Diamond” Poirier vs Yancy “The Kid” Medeiros

Jessica: Yancy has solid power in his hands, which Poirier has struggled with at times, but I think Dustin will get the fight to the ground and lock up a submission before that happens. Poirier wins by first-round submission.

Burnsy: Yessir, I’m looking forward to this one (even if I might not be able to watch because I will be in the Bahamas, sipping boat drinks at a craps table). The Kid beat my boy PROCTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR last time out, so I can’t pick him, because of my undying love for the Police Academy franchise. The Diamond wins.

Heavyweight – Ben Rothwell vs Matt “Meathead” Mitrione

Jessica: I’m not a fan of Mitrione, and luckily, Rothwell has heavy hands, so I’m expecting a lot of vicious face punching. I’ll take Rothwell to win by first round KO to give Ben time to get back to the locker room, shrink down, and become Tim Boetsch (INYUKCHUK!)

Burnsy: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’ll take Mitrione. Both guys have some KO streaks going, but even if he’s underwhelming and just sort of a guy who exists, Mitrione fought and won three times last year, so I can respect that.

Middleweight – Dan “Hendo” Henderson vs Tim “The Barbarian” Boetsch

Jessica: Oh good, another fight that will make my hyperventilate and barf out of anxiety. My heart says Dangerous Dan Hollywood H-Bomb Big Right Handerson wins, and my heart is more powerful than my brain. I do expect Boetsch to land some terrifying uppercuts to knock Dan around and make me cry, but Dan will regain his composure and knock Boetsch’s block off. Henderson wins by second-round KO.

Melanie: Even though my head tells me Boetsch will probably win, I’m going with Henderson, because the moment Hendo KOed Bisping at UFC 100 is a .gif in my laptop desktop. Hendo by decision.

Burnsy: *sigh* I just can’t do this anymore, Hendo. It’s so hard to watch a guy who has lost five of his last six fights, knowing that this is probably going to be another bloody mess. I don’t even like picking Boetsch, but I am. *sigh*

Performance of the Night

Jessica: Poirier, Rothwell

Burnsy: Soto, Tavares

Fight of the Night

Jessica: Caceres vs Rivera

Burnsy: Poirier vs Medeiros

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