Important Standings of Note:
Jessica: 529-366-6 (59 percent)
Burnsy: 525-336-6 (61 percent)
Vince: 234-155-2 (60 percent)
Ryan: 10-5-1 (66 percent)
Danny: 161-77-1 (67 percent)
Spilled: 86-68-2 (56 percent)
Sydnie: 16-12 (57 percent)
Chris: 46-18-2 (71 percent)
NY Ric: 36-26-1 (57 percent)
Ghost: 6-7 (46 percent)
Seth: 32-15 (68 percent)
Biss: 41-39-1 (51 percent)
Jared: 107-56-1 (66 percent)
Melanie: 44-23 (66 percent)
Fake Mike Goldberg: 21-16 (57 percent)
Strawweight – Kailin Curran vs. Emily Kagan
Jessica: I honestly don’t remember a whole heck of a lot about either fighter, though I know I’ve seen both of them in action. I’ll take Curran because she’s younger, and I guess she’ll improve more between fights. Curran takes a decision.
Burnsy: COIN FLIP! I’ll take Kagan so both fighters are equally represented.
Featherweight – Zubaira “Warrior” Tukhugov vs. Phillipe “The Filipino Assassin” Nover
Jessica: Are you kidding me? The wash-out “future Anderson Silva” versus my main man out of Chechnya? Tukhugov is going to put a whomping on Nover and get a second round KO.
Burnsy: Yeah, this shouldn’t be much of a match. Warrior should handle Nover with ease.
Welterweight – Danny “Hot Chocolate” Roberts vs. Nathan “Soulforce” Coy
Jessica: Coy didn’t really impress me on his season of TUF. I don’t know anything about Roberts, but heck yes, I’m totally going with a guy nicknamed Hot Chocolate. Roberts wins a decision.
Burnsy: Hot Chocolate does, indeed, win the nickname game over Soulforce. What is Coy, a Sega Genesis RPG?
Welterweight – Santiago “Gente Boa” Ponzinibbio vs. Andreas “Real Steel” Stahl
Jessica: Stahl’s only loss is to Gilbert Burns, and there’s no shame in that. Ponzinibbio’s had a decent UFC career so far, and I think his experience will give him the edge. Ponzinibbio takes a decision.
Burnsy: Gente Boa has the experience that an expert like me craves in deciding fights like this one. He’ll be the better fighter this time and Stahl will learn from it.
Bantamweight – Aljamain “Funk Master” Sterling vs. Johnny Eduardo
Jessica: Oh dang, I don’t like this match up at all. Both dudes are pretty neat and I don’t want either to lose. However, as good as Eduardo is at striking, he’s 35 and hasn’t fought in more than a year. Sterling is a young guy out of Serra/Longo, aka Team Infinite Breadsticks, under the tutelage of the Linguine Don. Sterling will use his wrestling to grind up Eduardo and get a third round submission.
Burnsy: That sound you hear in the distance, friends, is Burnsy’s handy dandy undefeated fighter siren blazing through the night’s sky for Funk Master. Eduardo is the more experienced fighter, sure, but he can’t handle the Funk.
Middleweight – Antonio “Cara de Sapato” Carlos Jr. vs. “King” Kevin Casey
Jessica: FACE SHOE, FACE SHOE, FACE SHOE! This could be a neat grappling match, or it will be super bad kickboxing. Either way, I’ve got Face Shoe nabbing a decision.
Burnsy: I don’t know… Face Shoe is off to a nice start in the UFC, while the so-called “King” is doing just okay. I’ll give the “King” the benefit of the doubt here, I guess, and pick him to win and begin a nice little streak.
Welterweight – Omari “Wolverine” Akhmedov vs. Sergio “The Panther” Moraes
Jessica: Dagestani Knucklegame Cartel all day! Akhmedov is going to punch and kick Moraes in the face parts a lot. Akhmedov wins by second round TKO.
Burnsy: I’ll let a terrible but wonderful ’80s Cold War film make my prediction here…
Welterweight – Tim “Dirty Bird” Means vs. John “Doomsday” Howard
Jessica: This should be a good scrap between two solid, mid-level guys. I think Means is better than Howard, even if Doomsday did defeat the evil Pendred. Means wins by third round TKO.
Burnsy: Means had himself a nice little run going before he lost in the first round at UFC 189, while Doomsday barely fought off a pink slip with a split decision that same night. Doomsday just can’t seem to show up to his own fights, so I’ll take Means to get back on track.
Middleweight – Elias “The Spartan” Theodorou vs. Thiago “Marreta” Santos
Jessica: Santos had a super rad headkick KO against Steve Bosse his last time out, but Theodorou is a Handsome Boy and we are quickly approaching Best Pals status on Twitter. Theodorou will use his amazing hair and I guess also punches to beat up Santos. Elias wins by second round KO.
Spilled: Elias Theodorou via Canadian Handsomeness.
Burnsy: Theodorou is the one fighter with the Spartan nickname that I like, so he remains the only legitimate Spartan. So let’s make it a unanimous vote for him to win.
Lightweight – “Super” Sage Northcutt vs. Cody “The Fist” Pfister
Jessica: I could be cynical and say that Sage is going to suffer a terrible Pfistering, but I’m pretty certain that Dana White has told Joe Silva to give Northcutt the most cakewalk schedule possible. Northcutt wins by second round TKO.
Spilled: Sage Northcutt via some crazy move that appears to defy physics.
Burnsy: YES! IT’S SAGE NORTHCUTT TIME! Move over, Conor McGregor, because this kid is gonna have a faster path to the top than any fighter we’ve ever seen. LOOK AT HIM!
Lightweight – Jim Miller vs. Mike “The Maverick” Chiesa
Jessica: I feel like I’m always wondering if Miller is on the down-swing of his career. He’s had a rough patch recently, losing to Cowboy and Dariush, and edging out a split decision over Danny Castillo. That being said, I still believe in Miller enough to beat Chiesa. Mike’s okay, but other than his win over Iaquinta back in 2012, none of his victories really stand out as all that impressive to me. Probably has something to do with him training at SIK JITSU. Anyway, Miller submits Chiesa in the third.
Spilled: Mike Chiesa via being Badass Jesus.
Burnsy: Jim Miller is in a little bit of a funk right now, after two losses in a row and a SD win back in July. He could really use an easy win right about now, but Chiesa ain’t the fighter who will let him have that. My gut is telling me Chiesa wins this one, so I’ll go with my gut, but this one is as much of a toss-up as any fight can be.
Strawweight – “Thug” Rose Namajunas vs. “12 Gauge” Paige VanZant
Jessica: I’ve been a fan of both fighters since the Invicta days, so this should be a really rad fight. Now that Thug has gone Imperator Furiosa, I’m fully in the Namajunas camp. Rose submits Paige in the fourth.
Spilled: Thug Rose via THUG LIFE shit.
Burnsy: Damn, this is going to be tough watching Paige lose so soon after watching Ronda Rousey’s career flash before her eyes. I love Paige, but she’s still young and raw. Thug Rose is too good for her.
Performance of the Night
Jessica: Tukhugov, Theodorou
Burnsy: Namajunas, Northcutt
Fight of the Night
Jessica: Namajunas vs. VanZant
Burnsy: Theodorou vs. Santos