Not sure if you’ve heard, but the critical response to Batman V. Superman hasn’t been overwhelmingly positive. And that sucks, but art is subjective so you’re going to most likely make up your own mind and see it anyway. We know this because Transformers movies.
Some of you may even like the film and defend it. Because we all have films like that: ones that are loathed by the critics (and the masses, sometimes) that we adore regardless. And so, with that in mind, we quizzed the staff to reveal their deeply hidden choices, and after you read through those and mock us mercilessly, please offer up your own so that we can lovingly do the same in the name of community.
Ang Lee’s Hulk (2003)
We’ve been over this ground elsewhere, but Ang Lee’s Hulk. It’s a weird, experimental movie that closely captures not just the Hulk, but the experience of reading a Hulk comic. Although I’ll give people Nick Nolte literally eating scenery is kinda on the nose. –Dan Seitz
Can’t Buy Me Love (1987)
In his original review in 1987, Roger Ebert gave Can’t Buy Me Love only one-half star out of four, saying it “doesn’t have a thought in its head and probably no notion of the corruption at its core.” Both of those things are probably true. In fact, the main female character essentially prostituted herself for clothes, and the movie had no problem glossing over that fact. But if you ignore the movie’s questionable themes and values, it’s still unquestionably re-watchable nearly 30 years later, and gave us countless memorable quotes and scenes.
“You sh*t on my house, man. You sh*t on my house.”
Indeed. Anyone interested in dancing the African Anteater Ritual with me? –Brian Sharp
Cutthroat Island (1995)
Aside from director Renny Harlin’s Razzie nomination, the Geena Davis action vehicle Cutthroat Island was an utter disaster of a film. With a total domestic gross of $10 million in return for a budget whose reported numbers ran from $98 to $115 million, the pre-Pirates of the Caribbean pirate movie was a huge financial loss for all parties involved. Hell, according to its IMDb page’s trivia section, the company that financed it filed for bankruptcy six weeks before release. And that’s totally fine, because pirates are awesome and whenever the random cable channel I happen to be on is playing this abomination of a motion picture, I’ll stop surfing and watch the entire thing. Doesn’t matter that the New York Times‘ Janet Maslin called it “this winter’s Waterworld“ — I will still watch the sh*t out of Cutthroat Island. Besides, Frank Langella plays a villainous pirate named Dawg. HIS. NAME. IS. DAWG. –Andrew Husband
Hudson Hawk (1991)
Hudson Hawk is a gem. You have Bruce Willis doing snarky ’80s/’90s Bruce Willis. Andie MacDowell, as a nun making dolphin noises. Sandra Bernhard and Richard E. Grant as a power hungry couple exploiting Willis and making out by rubbing tongues. Jame Coburn running a CIA group, which includes David Caruso as a mute. And, all of these characters come together to tell the story of the world’s best cat burglar blackmailed into robbing the Vatican to nab a lost piece of Leonardo da Vinci’s alchemy machine. There are burglaries that are timed by the length of songs: burglaries underscored by Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello singing “Swinging on a Star.” Bonus: It was directed by Michael Lehmann, who directed Heathers. I own it on DVD; I saw it in the theater; and, I will defend it until my dying breath. –Alia Stearns
Class of 1999 (1989)
It’s a movie that truly has everything. A near-apocalyptic setting in a distant-sounding future. Gang members adorned in trendy, Hypercolor fashion of the time. A soon-to-be sitcom star (Darren E. Burrows, who would go on to co-star as Ed in Northern Exposure the following year). A veritable smorgasbord of B-movie actors with Shakespearean training, including Malcolm McDowell and Stacy Keach (who’s sporting some wicked contact lenses). Scientists who inexplicably hug each other when things go well. Most importantly, robot teachers that go from corporal punishment to straight-up murder in a relatively short time frame. Added bonus: one of the teachers is played by Pam Grier. Like I said, it’s a movie that has everything. –Christian Long
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
There are many, but for now, it’s BvS. Yes, this movie is solid and a damn good time at the theater. It sticks decently close to the source material (starts to venture off about two-thirds of the way through) and is well cast. Affleck is the best Batman ever (although I will forever love Keaton’s). But I thought this movie did a good job of pacing itself with all it had on its plate. With all the characters it had to include, it did not feel cluttered one bit. Not to mention, the Justice League tee-up was great. –Jameson Brown
Oscar (1991)
When you think “screwball comedy,” you think Sylvester Stallone. Just 13% of critics like this John Landis film according to Rotten Tomatoes, but it’s got a 62% audience score, and I am a man of the people. To be honest, I haven’t seen this film in more than a decade. It’s one of those films that HBO used to burn off on a Sunday afternoon. But Tim Curry makes a joke about a “dangling participle” and that really speaks to me. Also, I’m a sucker for other screwball tributes of that era like Johnny Dangerously and Clue. This isn’t on par with those, but watching Stallone try to leave his life of crime behind and manage the transformation into respectability with all sorts of family drama and looming outside complications isn’t the worst way to spend an afternoon. Also, his character’s name is “Snaps Provolone.”
Also also, I second Alia’s Hudson Hawk recommendation and have affection for Batman v Superman, so fight me. – Jason Tabrys
So, what critically slammed movie holds a special place in your heart?
