The Police Are Using Batman To Protect Scared Children From Creepy Clowns

Senior Pop Culture Editor
10.31.16 2 Comments


Clowns are a worldwide problem, but they’re an epidemic here in the United States, where not a day goes by without a headline like, “Creepy Clowns Spotted In New Jersey Are Now Going After Children… With Swords,” or “A Machete-Wielding Man Chases Away Another Reported Clown Haunting The South Carolina Woods.” Clown costumes have even been outlawed in certain parts of the country (good riddance). It’s going to be a rough Halloween, which is why the Fairport police have enlisted the help of Gotham’s finest.

No, not Alfred. I’m talking about Batman.

“The Fairport Police have received a lead in the Crazy Clown epidemic that has been gripping the nation,” the New York-based department wrote on Facebook. “We have received information that these clowns are the henchmen of… you guessed it… the Joker.” I’d rather take my chances with edgy Jared Leto than deal with Kentucky’s “Lurking Clown,” but the cops have an ace up their sleeves. “Since verifying this new information, the Fairport Police Department have recruited the assistance of America’s Favorite Caped Crusader, BATMAN! Batman has been given a Fairport Police Uniform and Police Car to be on patrol in the Fairport area on alert for any suspicious activity. Please call 911 if you observe anything suspicious and we will signal Batman from atop the Village Hall where the blue light shines.”

The post is obviously tongue-in-cheek, and a reference to a similar stunt in the United Kingdom, but don’t tell that to the children of Fairport: they probably feel safer knowing that the Caped Crusader is looking after them.

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