The Rock’s new Baywatch movie — which might as well be the official title, The Rock’s New Baywatch Movie — finally went ahead and did the thing we all knew it was going to do. That’s right, David Hasselhoff is on board. The Rock made the announcement himself via Instagram late Wednesday night, which I will now blockquote in full because writing casting announcements is apparently yet another thing The Rock does better than me.
Pleasure to officially welcome the original #BAYWATCH gangsta himself David Hasselhoff to our movie! #BAYWATCH is the most successful TV show of all time and from the day we announced we were turning it into a movie, “The Hoff” has been our greatest supporter. Especially once he knew our RATED R movie was going to be a combination of AVENGERS meets ANCHORMAN….???Hoff’s a cool dude who’s down to have fun and here’s the best part.. He’s been training his ass off and gotten in the best shape he’s been in in years! (cue slo-mo running and glistening chest hair.. wait, why the f*ck am I even thinking about Hoff’s chest hair!?) World get ready.. #RockAndHoff #ThereAintNoBay #WithoutTheHoff ???
The confusing thing here is that The Rock is playing Hasselhoff’s old character, Mitch Buchannon, in the film, so Hasselhoff will play… someone else? That doesn’t feel right. I mean, it would be funny if he’s in the movie as Future Mitch, like in a flash forward, and they never explain how the hairless tattooed Samoan became a white guy with a carpet of chest hair. Or if he’s an associate of the film’s previously announced villain, Quantico star Priyanka Chopra, and he just wears a fake goatee the whole time. They have lots of options, I guess. Forget I said anything.