Towards the end of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (which is a part of the Warner Bros. Holiday Gift Guide), after a seemingly never-ending series of holiday mishaps that practically destroyed his house and nearly ran him and his family bankrupt, Clark W. Griswold was still optimistic that he could pull off a fun family Christmas. While standing before his emotionally exhausted parents and in-laws who were wishing for nothing more at the time than to simply go home, he was not willing to throw in the towel just yet. They were still going to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*cking Kaye.
Was it a moment of pure desperation? Sure. But the man was not going to be denied his attempt at a good old-fashioned Christmas that he had been dreaming about since he was a kid.
As was the case with each of Clark’s family vacations — first on trips to Wally World and Europe, and later during a trip to Las Vegas — he was on a mission for fun, and he was willing to stop at nothing to achieve it. Sometimes, that even included acts of sheer insanity. Which is, I’m sure, something that we can all relate too. So, with the season of togetherness and impossible expectations upon us, let’s look back at Clark’s most stressful moments so that we might learn how best to deal with our own.
Road Rage With Some Country Boys
While driving on a snowy highway with his family, Clark found himself smack-dab in the middle of a road rage incident with a pair of country hooligans. The safe play in this situation would have been to let them pass and avoid nearly killing his wife and kids, but Clark was too stubborn for that. The end result, of course, was the classic image of a late-1980’s Ford Taurus wagon driving down a highway while stuck beneath a tractor-trailer.
The Perfect Tree — But No Saw
After making a long trek by foot through heavy snow, Clark finally came across a tree that he pictured in his mind to fit perfectly in his living room. Sure, the long walk left Audrey frozen from head to toe, but risking a loved one’s extremities to the possibility of frost bite is a small price to pay for a perfect Christmas tree. It’s collateral damage, really. The only problem? The entire family walked all that way, but nobody thought to bring a saw. It was never made clear how they managed to dig it out by hand, but you have to respect their perseverance in the face of adversity.
Fixed The Newel Post
What do you get when you cross a wiggly newel post with a chainsaw? Well, that really all depends on your point of view. If you combine that with a man who’s on the verge of a mental breakdown, you get a fixed newel post.
Breaking The Antlers Off A Reindeer Display
After spending countless hours installing 250 strands of lights, which included 100 bulbs per strand for a grand total of 25,000 tiny, white — albeit non-twinkling — bulbs, Clark couldn’t get them to light up. The frustration of knowing in his mind that he did everything right ended up getting the best of him, and he took out his frustrations on the nearest lawn decorations. Thankfully, Ellen figured out that the problem was an easy one to fix and simply turned on a switch, but for poor Santa and his eight tiny reindeer, her revelation came a little bit too late.
Don’t Piss Me Off, Art
Following the insanity that was the squirrel incident, most of Clark’s family decided enough was enough and packed their bags to go home. But Clark was having none of that; he wanted to push on and fulfill his lifelong dream of hosting Christmas. Despite putting his family through the “threshold of hell,” he figured there was no way things could get worse. And he was almost right.
Until…
The Christmas Speech To End All Christmas Speeches
I tend to agree with Eddie that a one-year membership to the jelly of the month club really is the gift that keeps on giving the whole year, and under normal circumstances, anyone should be pleased with a gift like that. But not when it comes at the expense of an actual bonus that Clark needed to cover a down-payment for a swimming pool. He was understandably upset that money he had been counting on was no longer coming, and what resulted was one of the greatest holiday tirades the world has ever known.
Hallelujah! Where’s the Tylenol?
Hope you enjoyed our look back at Christmas Vacation. Our friends at Warner Bros. asked us to remind readers that the Christmas Vacation Steel Book Blu Ray is available for purchase here.
