Movies

Forget The Sexy Stuff, Here’s Every Painfully Mundane Moment In ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’

Of course the sex, nudity and BDSM themes of the new Fifty Shades of Grey movie are getting all of the headlines – to the point that the Internet is littered with “here are all the sexy parts of the movie” sprawled out in listicle form. But what people seem to be missing is that even Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) still have some mundane moments in their otherwise dominant and submissive lives. Here’s every mundane moment in Fifty Shades of Grey. (Warning: Possible mundane spoilers.)

• It’s another rainy day in the state of Washington!

• Christian Grey jogs to stay healthy.

• Anastasia has a friend named Katherine, but she goes by “Kate.”

• Anastasia casually brags about her grade point average.

• Anastasia rides in an elevator to get to a floor that’s probably too high for stairs.

• Anastasia worries sometimes that she’s underdressed.

• Anastasia at least sometimes attends college classes.

• Anastasia has another friend who is a photographer.

• Anastasia’s friends call her “Ana.”

• At one point, Anastasia and Christian walk down a hallway together and talk about nothing particularly interesting.

• Anastasia doesn’t always look both ways before crossing into traffic.

• Anastasia Steele drunk dials a boy that she likes.

• Christian owns an iPhone.

• Christian has a brother who seems fun, but a little immature.

• It’s not altogether mundane that Christian has a bodyguard, but his bodyguard, Taylor, seems really nice.

• Anastasia is prone to illness after consuming too much alcohol.

• Christian likes toast.

• Christian sometimes plays the piano between sex sessions.

• Anastasia knows how to cook bacon.

• Christian Grey has a mother who visits from time to time.

• Christian Grey obeys the traffic laws and the posted speed limits while he’s driving his car.

• Both Anastasia and Christian communicate with other people by the use of electronic mail.

• Anastasia graduates from college.

• Christian listens to a cover version of Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m on Fire.” (It’s safe to assume Christian has a cover version of the entire Born in the U.S.A. album.)

• Anastasia and Christian sometimes discuss having dinner.

• At dinner with Christian’s family, there is a prolonged discussion about the humidity in Georgia.

• Christian has a younger sister who seems nice.

• Anastasia likes to drink cosmopolitans.

• Anastasia’s mother lives in Georgia.

• Anastasia and Christian also, sometimes, communicate with other people by text message.

• Anastasia and Christian spend a day in Georgia together (which is mundane until they go “flying”).

• It is kind of hot in Georgia!

• Christian gets frustrated with his job.

• The movie features end credits.

Mike Ryan has written for The Huffington Post, Wired, Vanity Fair and New York. He is senior entertainment writer at Uproxx. You can contact him directly on Twitter.

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