Movies

The ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Sequels Will Shoot Back-To-Back Because Everybody Is Over It

Nobody hated the Fifty Shades Of Grey film adaptation more than its cast and crew. Both Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson — who played slap-happy billionare Christian Grey and virginal klutz Anastasia Steele, respectively — were miserable on an almost primal level while filming the movie, and made promoting it look like a very unerotic form of torture. Director Sam Taylor-Johnson pulled out of helming the rest of the franchise after having quite possibly the worst collaborative experience of her career — thanks to several on-set “barneys” — with the author of the Fifty Shades books, E.L. James. Writer Kelly Marcel said she was “heartbroken” after James rewrote her original script, likely because Marcel didn’t want a human being to utter the words, “I’m fifty shades of f*cked up!!!!” aloud.

Yes, on the whole, it seems like the Fifty Shades experience was an utter sh*tshow that partially, if not fully, destroyed the spirits of everyone involved. It makes sense, considering all of this, that the second film, Fifty Shades Darker, isn’t scheduled to start shooting until “sometime in the new year.” Nobody, it seems, wants to make this movie. Well, except maybe Fifty Shades Darker‘s new writer, Niall Leonard, who just happens to be married to E.L. James and thusly is “intimately familiar with the characters,” according to The Wrap, which is being gross.

Today brings further news that proves everyone just wants to be done with these godforsaken dungeon-sex movies. The Wrap reports that Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed — the third entry in the series — will now shoot back-to-back, rather than front-to-front. A sexy turn of events, to be sure! And rather than waste any more time pretending to search for another female director for these female-centric films (because there are none of those to be found!), the Powers That Be have hired James Foley to helm both.

You guys know James Foley, right? James Foley has directed many an erotic thriller in his day, including Fear, After Dark, My Sweet, and Glengarry Glen Ross, an erotic thriller about four men named Glen, Garry, Glen, and Ross who get off on yelling at each other about real estate. So really, it makes perfect sense that Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed will be James Foley’s next projects.

Fifty Shades Darker won’t hit theaters until Feb. 10, 2017, while Fifty Shades Freed will be released on Feb. 9, 2018. But be patient — the anticipation is the best part.

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