Movies

This Week’s Coming Attractions: Bond Meets Blart In ‘True Memoirs Of An International Assassin’ And More

On Wednesday, us Harry Potter nerds were wowed and amazed by the final trailer for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and those of us who love a good thriller spent Tuesday reading up on the bizarre story behind King Cobra. The upcoming awards season even got a boost of momentum with the release of Denzel Washington’s Fences trailer, so this was definitely a very strong week for movie trailers. But it’s hardly over, because Thursday has gifted us the latest action adventure from Netflix, True Memoirs of an International Assassin.

Sounds pretty awesome, right? Like a shoot-em-up rampage flick for us John Wick fans who love hitman stories? Kind of. But probably with more Segway accidents and fart noises. Enough yapping, though, let’s get on with the rest of this week’s big trailers.

True Memoirs of an International Assassin

Directed by: Jeff Wadlow

Starring: Kevin James, Andy Garcia

What’s it about?

Per the press release:

The action comedy stars Kevin James as Sam Larson, a mild-mannered would-be author who gets mistaken for a killer-for-hire when his fictional novel about an international assassin is published as a true story. When the book is a huge success, he is suddenly kidnapped, taken out of the country, and forced into an assassination plot.

We expect Kevin James to be Paul Blart in everything he does now, just the big, ol’ doofus who farts, falls off a Segway, farts some more, and then gets beat up by a bird. But dare I say this doesn’t look all that Blart-ish? Sure, there’s a scene in the trailer where Blart, I mean James is riding a scooter, so it’s likely that this movie is everything we’ve come to expect from the star of Kevin Can Wait, but let’s be hopeful. Maybe there’s less fart and more heart for once. We’ll find out when Netflix publishes Memoirs on Nov. 11.

Rules Don’t Apply

Directed by: Warren Beatty

Starring: Warren Beatty, Lily Collins, Alden Ehrenreich, and a whole lotta stars

What’s it about?

An unconventional love story of an aspiring actress, her determined driver, and the eccentric billionaire who they work for. [IMDb]

Warren Beatty returns to the big screen for the first time since the 2001 stinker Town & Country, and he’s back with his long-awaited Howard Hughes passion project. It’s not hard to tell just how much passion Beatty has put into this film, which he also wrote and directed, because this new official trailer looks as beautiful as it does star-studded, so if this thing ends up like T&C it’ll be an absolute shock. We’ll find out when Rules Don’t Apply buzzes into theaters on Nov. 23.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (IMAX)

Directed by: Edward Zwick

Starring: Tom Cruise, Cobie Smulders

What’s it about?

Jack Reacher must uncover the truth behind a major government conspiracy in order to clear his name. On the run as a fugitive from the law, Reacher uncovers a potential secret from his past that could change his life forever. [IMDb]

Another Jack Reacher: Don’t Go Back Because They Say You Shouldn’t Never Go Back trailer? I feel like I’ve made a dozen bad title jokes by now. Well, in case you’ve missed the fun, the new IMAX trailer has Tom Cruise on another ass-kicking rampage, beating up the bad guys who are up to no good and trying to kill him, too. Will he survive the latest bullseye on his back? Yeah, probably. This and Mission: Impossible are all Cruise has these days. Jack reaches back even though they told him not to on Oct. 21.

Desierto

Directed by: Jonás Cuarón

Starring: Gael García Bernal, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Alondra Hidalgo

What’s it about?

A group of people trying to cross the border from Mexico into the United States encounter a man who has taken border patrol duties into his own racist hands. [IMDb]

This is about as timely a horror film as you’ll find these days. Jeffrey Dean Morgan puts down Lucille and picks up a rifle to terrorize a family trying to cross the border, almost as if it’s a spin-off of The Purge. This one will probably start a few conversations or inspire some thinkpieces. If you’re squeamish, don’t read the comments. They’ll make the movie look like a Kevin James Netflix comedy. Desierto attacks on Oct. 14.

20th Century Women

Directed by: Mike Mills

Starring: Annette Bening, Elle Fanning, Alia Shawkat, Laura Wiggins

What’s it about?

The story of three women who explore love and freedom in Southern California during the late 1970s. [IMDb]

What, no rampaging or assassinating? How very un-21st century of them. 20th Century Women is in theaters on Oct. 8.

The Space Between Us

Directed by: Peter Chelsom

Starring: Britt Robertson, Carla Gugino, Asa Butterfield

What’s it about?

The first human born on Mars travels to Earth for the first time, experiencing the wonders of the planet through fresh eyes. He embarks on an adventure with a street smart girl to discover how he came to be. [IMDb]

If you’re going to make a cheesy coming-of-age teen romance film, take some chances. For example, have one of the teens live on Mars and travel to Earth to fall in love. Sure, Earth Girls are Easy will probably always be the best movie on this topic, but it’s about time someone else tried. This movie looks so sweet that it gave me a stomachache. Also, if you’re keeping track at home, that’s three trailers with biplanes this week. Welcome back, biplanes! It’s your time to shine! Space arrives on Dec. 16.

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